Me & PP:  a Journey Into the Absurd
by Lawn Girl
Summary: A collection of various collabs with PerfectlyPersuasive. Some are o/s, others drabbles, and others...well, they almost defy description. Rated M for adult situations of the lemony variety. oh, and yeah, there'll probably be some slash.
1. Re: Last Night

**A/N:** We wrote this for the super amazing **TuesdayMidnight** in honor of her b-day. Tuesday's a slash loving girl, so um, yeah...slash, ahoy! Thanks to **OfTheTurningAway** for beta'ing and a huge thanks to **S. Meadows** for making a kickass banner: http:/a(DOT)imageshack(DOT)us/img193/8210/tuesdaymidnightbday(DOT)gif

If you want more slashy good times, check out the rest of Tuesday's b-day gifts here: http:/happybirthdaytuesday(DOT)blogspot(DOT)com/

* * *

**EdwardCullenEsquire(a)gmailDOTcom to JasperWhitcock(a)gmailDOTcom** ** 10:32am**

**Subject: Last Night**

Jasper,

Hi, how are you? I mean, um, how are you today? You ran out of here before I woke up, so I didn't get the chance to ask. Your emails go to your phone, right? If they do, you'll probably see this immediately. That doesn't matter I guess. You could check it tomorrow, and it would still be the same message. It's not like it's a chameleon email. heh heh. You're good with computers - you should invent that.

Um, well, I wasn't writing to tell you that you should come up with a program that changes emails based on the time they're read or anything, but I don't have your phone number. I got your email from Facebook. I hope that's okay.

I guess I should just get to the point, right? My mother always told me I could ramble for hours. lol.

Yeah, well, I have your underwear.

Do you want me to drop them off, or you could come pick them up? Ummm... I guess I could mail them, but the post office doesn't run on Sundays.

Ok, well, get back to me.

Edward Cullen  
Harvard Law '11

"**The Law is Reason Free from Passion." – Aristotle.

* * *

**

**JasperWhitcock**** to ****EdwardCullenEsquire** **10:40am**

**Re: Last Night**

Hey Edward,

I'm really sorry about the ninja escape move this morning. I completely spaced on the fact that I had a family brunch planned. I guess that's what happens when you're a little hungover and completely spent from an overactive night ;)

I'm actually surprised I didn't pull a hammy. All that dancing must have limbered me up. I have to say that I have never really seen dance moves like yours before...you're definitely one of a kind.

I was wondering where my skivvies ran off to. I was in such a hurry to make brunch I must have forgotten them. Although...are you sure they're mine and not somebody else's in your long line of conquests?

Ha!

Just kidding.

Kind of.

Ok, time to get my drink on. I mean, brunch on.

No. I mean drink on. In fact, Nana Whitlock has already downed her 3rd mimosa, so you know I've got some catching up to do.

Don't go sniffing my briefs there, Eddie-boy.

-J.

* * *

**EdwardCullenEsquire**** to ****JasperWhitcock**** 11:07am**

**Re:Re: Last Night**

Hello Jasper,

Thank you for replying to my electronic mail so swiftly.

You've overwhelmed me in your email. I almost don't even know what to type. Last night was... well, last night was definitely out of character for me. I don't normally dance, but I thought that the people still "raised the roof." Was I wrong in this assessment? I hope I didn't appear foolish or cause you any embarrassment. I'm not much of a drinker you see, besides a glass of wine here and there, and it was my first time experiencing the side effects of Jager. I will be more selective when taking shots in the future. hahaha.

I will say I was a bit alarmed to wake up and see that you weren't there this morning. Mostly because I thought it might have all been a figment of my imagination. Well, that is until I found your underwear under my pillow. I'm not entirely sure how they got there...

I understand your need to leave, though. Family is very important, and brunch is a wonderful meal. It's quite lovely that your family takes the time to sit down and enjoy each other's company on a regular basis.

Last night was a lot of fun, but, once again, not in my nature. So, no, I don't have a line of conquests. I hope that's not how you see me, Jasper. I would hate for my reputation to be tarnished as a man about town (I think you know what I'm implying here)

I do hope you're joking about smelling your underpants. That's an absolutely absurd declaration!

Have a wonderful meal, and let me know what you want to do next - um, about the underwear, of course. We could maybe get together, though, if you thought that was the most prudent answer to our mutual problem - the underwear again, of course. I could just have them cleaned for you if you like, as well. Just let me know, and I'll throw them in with my things for the cleaner to pick up tomorrow.

I hope to hear from you soon.

Edward Cullen  
Harvard Law '11

"**The Law is Reason Free from Passion." – Aristotle.

* * *

**

**JasperWhitcock**** to ****EdwardCullenEsquire** **11:16am**

**Re:Re:Re: Last Night**

Hey E-man,

Can I call you E-man?

Anyway...you are one funny motherfucker. Seriously, man. I was snorting into my quiche over here.

And yeah...of course I replied quickly. I have an iPhone. It's pretty awesome. I've also been sneaking in some porn watching while Uncle Marcus and cousin Jane argue over fiscal policy or something. Watching "Everybody Does Raymond" on the DL while they debate finances seems a-okay to me.

God bless Steve Jobs.

As for last night...no. People don't "raise the roof" anymore. But you were hysterical and when you busted out the Cabbage Patch, I thought I was gonna lose my mind. I mean, yeah, it was dorky and all, but the way you moved those hips of yours was hot! Hope you're not nursing a crazy hangover this morning though. Jager is the devil's brew, my friend, and it can leave a nasty headache the next day.

And I didn't really think you were going to sniff my underwear. I mean, it's not like I took a big old inhale of your pillow before I left. Because I totally didn't.

I can probably swing by your place later this evening if you're around to pick up my Calvin's. We could have a more sober rendition of what happened last night. Or were you too drunk to remember?

Fresh round of Bloody Mary's just arrived.

TTYL,  
J.

* * *

**EdwardCullenEsquire to JasperWhitcock** **11:28am **

**Re:Re:Re:Re: Last Night**

Hello Jasper,

E-man? Well, it would be a first, and I hope it will be a last. I much prefer Edward, and if a nickname is imperative, then call me "E." (Without the quotations of course. If you spoke the nickname, you might have to use fingerquotes, and there is really nothing worse than fingerquotes.)

Oh, my, you have followed Steve Jobs down the bunny hole have you? I myself am an individual... I have a Blackberry.

You're watching television at brunch? What do your parents think? On the other hand, I think the father is absolutely hilarious on that show. He really tickles my funnybone. I can't believe you think I'm funny... I don't remember making a joke in my last email, but maybe something was taken out of context. It's always hard to read tone in an email, isn't it? Interpretation is always a tricky thing to pin down.

Oh dear lord.

Cabbage Patch?

I'm not even entirely sure what that is. I mean, of course, I know what it is literally, but as far as dance moves go, I'm completely lost. Is it the one where you, and I quote, "Wave your hands in the air like you just don't care?" Also, what are you not caring about with that dance - underarm odor? I think that would be the biggest worry. (That was a joke in case you weren't aware - like I said before, tone is hard to type.)

Thank you for your concern over my health. I've eaten, consumed my body weight in water and taken a few Advil. I'm feeling much better now. I hope you are also not feeling poorly this morning.

Jasper, are you insinuating that you sniffed my pillow? I mean, maybe, you're not, and I read it wrong. Damn typed conversations without easily heard inflections!

You want to come over and hang out with me tonight, alcohol free? That would be great! I mean, that sounds like a plan... You do need to get your underwear, after all...

Regarding last night, I remember most everything, but I am a little fuzzy on the details. Care to fill me in?

Eat your vegetables in your Bloody Mary to keep your strength up!

Edward Cullen  
Harvard Law '11

"**The Law is Reason Free from Passion." – Aristotle.

* * *

**

**EdwardCullenEsquire to JasperWhitcock** **11:29am**

**Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: Last Night**

Jasper,

I just noticed that you are actually watching "Everybody DOES Raymond." I'm not familiar with that. Is Ray Romano in that as well?

Edward Cullen  
Harvard Law '11

"**The Law is Reason Free from Passion." – Aristotle.

* * *

**

**JasperWhitcock**** to ****EdwardCullenEsquire** ** 11:40am **

**Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: Last Night**

E - (see? no quotation marks, I'm a quick learner!),

I'll ignore your crack at Apple...and only because you have one fine crack yourself. mmm...

What was I talking about? spaced out there for a second. and I was not watching some inane sitcom. I was watching a porn called Everyone Does Raymond. Let me repeat myself. It's a porn. PORN. Where men have sex with other men. In this case, multiple men have sex with one man. It was interesting for sure, but not funny in the least. But bones *were* tickled...

Have you, uh...ever done that?

Glad to hear your hangover isn't too bad. I was fine this morning. Well, nothing a wank in the shower and a little hair of the dog at brunch can't cure.

Thanks for letting me use your shower by the way. I made sure to clean up after myself. Your shampoo smells good. Like you. I may or may not have just sniffed my own hair.

Maybe.

As for last night? You're fuzzy on the details? So...You don't remember me hovering over you...completely wide eyed and slack jawed at the sight of your large, hard, pulsing...

damn! Dessert just arrived. Can't say no to cheesecake.

Laters,  
J.

* * *

**EdwardCullenEsquire to JasperWhitcock** **11:53am **

**Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: Last Night**

Jasper,

So, I take it I can call you "J." Well, that sounds like a plan if I ever heard one!

I have a fine crack? ...oh... I get it. Well, um, I wax, but don't tell anyone that, okay?

Porn? You watched PORN at brunch? You mentioned your grandmother! You watched PORN with your grandmother! Jasper, that is insane. One man had sex with multiple men in the PORN you watched with your family? Now, he is definitely a man about town...

Wait.

Are you asking me if I've ever watched porn or had sex with multiple people at the same time?

Bones were tickled. lol. That joke's tone was quite obvious. Kudos to you.

You used my shower? Erm. Did you look in the cabinet? If you did, that's not mine.

What was large and pulsing? Um. I think I need a bit more refreshing. I do remember some other things like the feel of your mouth against mine. You have the softest lips.

Okay, I'm going to die of embarrassment now.

Edward Cullen

Harvard Law '11

"**The Law is Reason Free from Passion." – Aristotle.

* * *

**

**JasperWhitcock**** to ****EdwardCullenEsquire** ** 12:08pm**

**Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: Last Night**

E -

You can call me whatever you like.

Seriously.

I mean it.

And dude...chillax. I did not watch porn *with* nana. I just watched it on the sly while she tossed back a few more mimosas. I would never ever watch porn with my nana. I would, however, watch porn with you.

Just saying.

And what was large and pulsing? I can tell you what *is* large and pulsing now that you told me you wax. Dude. You can't just write shit like that. Poor nana's wearing a face full of sputtered cheesecake because of you. not cool.

But, still...tell me more.

And, if I was a girl I'd get all swoony and shit that you think I have the softest lips. But since I'm not I didn't swoon.

Maybe.

And, um...you have some pretty awesome lips yourself. Not gonna lie, my toes might have actually curled. We should try for actual toe curlage later tonight. Speaking of, does 7pm work for you?

As for the rest of the details...should I be hurt that you don't remember? Apparently I need to work on my game some more.

-J.

* * *

**EdwardCullenEsquire to JasperWhitcock** **12:19pm**

**Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: Last Night**

J,

I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to cause you to be uncomfortable at brunch. You were talking about porn, so I didn't think I would be overstepping the boundaries we've established in these emails by stating that I get waxed now and again.

Did you really spit cheesecake in your grandmother's face?

You want to watch porn with me? That doesn't sound too terrible. ;)

Thank you for complimenting my lips, but I'm sure they do not live up to yours. Your mouth, Jasper, is simply amazing. I can't stop thinking about you, and "toe curlage" as you so eloquently put it, sounds like a plan to me. Seven o'clock can't get here soon enough...

Speaking of seven, do you want me to wash your underwear before you get here? It would be a shame not to keep them in pristine condition. If I had a pair of baby blue Calvin Klein briefs with smokey gray elastic, I would not want to risk them staining permanently. I do wonder how many other colors of underwear you have? I'm starting to think my black boxer briefs are a little on the drab side. I do try to stay young and exciting. I'd hate for something about me to be droll.

Jasper, I have a confession to make, and it is a doozy...

I remember everything about last night. Is it so wrong that I would just want to hear your opinion of it and get to experience it again, if only in my head? Your tongue, like your lips, is amazing, by the way.

Well, I'm into sharing today aren't I? I don't seem to have a filter on these emails to you, Jasper. What are you doing to me?

Edward Cullen

Harvard Law '11

"**The Law is Reason Free from Passion." – Aristotle

* * *

**

**JasperWhitcock**** to ****EdwardCullenEsquire** ** 12:27pm**

**Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: Last Night**

My opinion? Do you want my opinion on the way your lips nipped and sucked as they made their way down my neck and across my collarbone?

Do you want my opinion on the way your tongue found my firm nipples, licking and biting at them, making me moan like a fucking whore?

Do you want my opinion on the way your hand so expertly curled around my hard cock, stroking me like you've known me forever?

Is that what you're looking for, Edward? You just need to tell me, baby.

And, please...share away. While I think you'd look absolutely fucking delicious in a pair of brightly colored briefs, I thought you looked incredibly sexy in your black ones. They way they contrasted with your pale skin was utterly delectable. In fact, feel free to answer the door in nothing but them. Just a thought...

If you really want to wash my briefs, then by all means go for it. But, I don't think that jizz is a permanent stain, Edward. Although next time, instead of nutting off in my underwear, perhaps you can think of a more creative place for me to cum? You're a smart fellow, you can figure something out.

Is it 7 yet?

-J.

* * *

**JasperWhitcock****to ****EdwardCullenEsquire** **12:29pm**

**Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: Last Night**

ps - you don't need to worry about cleaning my briefs if you are too busy. I do have more, you know.

See?  
http:/guyswithiphones(DOT)com/post/061812

* * *

**EdwardCullenEsquire to JasperWhitcock** **1:02pm**

**Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: Last Night**

Jasper,

I'm sorry for the delay in getting back to you, but you have thoroughly overwhelmed me with your emails. I thought the first one was intense, but then you sent the picture... I needed to take a breather... and a cold shower.

Just - Wow.

Also, your opinions were unbelievable. Please, always feel free to express yourself. I want to hear it. Trust me on that.

I really want to hear about how you felt when you bent me over the bed...

I can tell you that from my end it was amazing even with our underwear still on. I couldn't get enough of the way you felt. I'm aching right now just thinking about it. I'm aching for you.

I am smart, Jasper. I have quite a high IQ... if you catch my drift.

Only six more hours now.

Edward Cullen

Harvard Law '11

"**The Law is Reason Free from Passion." – Aristotle

* * *

**

**EdwardCullenEsquire to JasperWhitcock** **1:04pm**

**Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: Last Night**

Well, I'm going to send this to you before I change my mind. It's not nearly as titillating as your picture, but it sums up how I feel right now.

http:/bit(DOT)ly/dd2kTV

If you need me, I'll be hiding under the covers...

Edward Cullen

Harvard Law '11

"**The Law is Reason Free from Passion." – Aristotle

* * *

**

**JasperWhitcock****to ****EdwardCullenEsquire** **1:15pm**

**Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: Last Night**

Edward - Feel free to send me a full length picture sporting the same "come fuck me" face.

A cold shower, eh? Usually I prefer a nice warm shower...instead of shrinking away my problems, I meet that sucker head on. Or hand on, I guess. In fact, after a few more perusals of the picture you sent, I might need to do that. Unless, of course, you want to send me that full body shot I mentioned.

I can't believe you mentioned me bending you over the bed. If only you knew what I really wanted to do to you...Although, I have to say, feeling you beneath me like that, even through the cotton barrier of our underwear, it was fucking hot. Feeling your hard, toned back beneath my hands...caressing your smooth, flushed skin. Fuck. I miss the way you feel. Rubbing myself up and down your crack, getting myself off like that? A-Fucking-Mazing. I fit your ass crack like a glove, Edward.

I wonder where else I could fit...

And now...I need to go take that shower.

-J.

* * *

**EdwardCullenEsquire to JasperWhitcock** **1:45pm**

**Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: Last Night**

J,

Well, I took your advice, and I did not take a cold shower. So, after your words, I just took care of business, so to speak. (I mean, I think you get what I'm referring to here, and if you don't, I'm talking about masturbation.)

That was the only picture I took while still in bed, and I'm now up, dressed and functioning like the rest of the world. I can't be a vagabond and lay about all day! I have to run to the library for a while to prepare for classes next week, but I'll have my phone with me. I'd appreciate an email from you to break up the monotony.

Also, referring to the last bit of your email, I know exactly where else you would fit, Jasper...

Seven will be here before we know it, and I hope you're ready. I study hard, but I play even harder if you catch my drift. ;)

Edward Cullen

Harvard Law '11

"**The Law is Reason Free from Passion." – Aristotle

* * *

**

**JasperWhitcock**** to ****EdwardCullenEsquire** **2:30pm**

**Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: Last Night**

E -

Thanks for clarifying that you were jerking off. And...if you want to go into details as to exactly what that entailed, I'd be more than okay with that. Just throwing it out there.

You're probably at the library right now being all brainy, so I won't send you the _other_ picture I took of myself right before I took care of myself, if you know what I mean ;) I wouldn't want you to get tossed out of the library for getting all hot and bothered or something. Study up, because I doubt you're going to have much time for anything else except for me tonight.

I have some work of my own to do. Need to write a paper for my music theory class, and then spend some time with my girl...I haven't laid my hands on her for a couple days now, and I'm sure she misses my magic fingers.

-J.

oh, and Edward...**where** would I fit?

* * *

**EdwardCullenEsquire to JasperWhitcock** **3:15pm**

**Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: Last Night**

J,

What details do you want? I can tell you that I used my hand.

I am at the library right now, and I just checked my phone on my regulated hour water break to stay hydrated and alert. It's on silent of course. How embarrassed I would be if it went off in the libray! I'd be shushed until the end of time I think. I would never be able to return if you had gotten me hot and bothered, so I'm glad you had the foresight to refrain. I wouldn't mind seeing those pictures later, though, but I imagine the real thing would be so much more... satisfying.

Oh... your girl... Well, I hope you, her and your magic fingers are happy together.

I'll be sure to mail your underwear.

You obviously fit somewhere else than I intended...

Edward Cullen

Harvard Law '11

**"The Law is Reason Free from Passion." – Aristotle**

* * *

**JasperWhitcock****to ****EdwardCullenEsquire** **3:34pm**

**Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: Last Night**

Jesus, Edward - why the hell are you going to mail me my underwear now? I thought I was going to come over and you know...cum over...

Are you regretting last night? Because...despite my fuckhot appearance, I'll have you know that I'm **not** one for one night stands. Sure, I may be a huge hit with the guys, but I'm also pretty picky when it comes to who I let touch me. I don't just let anyone sample the Whitcock. So, um...last night was sort of a big deal to me, but I guess it wasn't to you?

What the fuck ever dude.

-J.

ps. I am MORE than satisfying.

* * *

**EdwardCullenEsquire(a)**** to ****JasperWhitcock(a)**** 4:06pm**

**Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: Last Night**

Jasper,

Your tone in your last email was very easy to decipher. I just don't understand why you're angry with ME? I'm the disappointed party here, buddo. You're the one talking about magic fingers and your girlfriend. Your GIRLFRIEND, Jasper!

I'm sorry, but that cancels out any plans we had this evening.

I'm not for one night stands either, but I won't be your penis on the side, Jasper. I refuse.

What the fuck ever indeed.

Edward Cullen

Harvard Law '11

**"The Law is Reason Free from Passion." – Aristotle

* * *

**

**JasperWhitcock**** to ****EdwardCullenEsquire**** 4:13pm**

**Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: Last Night**

Fucking A, Edward... I am NOT on the down low. DO YOU HEAR ME. I am NOT STRAIGHT. I am an out and proud gay man. No girlfriend, no gag pussy goes anywhere near the Whitcock - am I clear?

Let me ensure that I am crystal clear.

I enjoy a thick, hard, hot cock between my lips. I like how it feels sliding down my throat as I hold on to manly, muscly hips. Do you want to know what else I like, Edward? I like...no...I love ass. And not tiny, useless girl ass. But, muscular, firm, hot man ass. I love the way it feels beneath my hands. I love the way it tastes...all musky and salty. And fuck, I LOVE the way it feels when I slide my cock inside of a tight asshole, Edward.

So, no...I'll repeat myself, I do NOT have a girlfriend. I'm gay. queer. .

Are you picking up what I'm laying down?

Now that we're straight - no pun intended - I'll explain something to you. "My girl" is Alice...my guitar. I've had Alice since high school and she came with me to college. I play her all the time, but i do NOT fuck her.

Are we cool now?

I'm still free at 7.

-J.

* * *

**EdwardCullenEsquire**** to ****JasperWhitcock**** 5:01pm**

**Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: Last Night**

Jasper,

I am an utter idiot.

I should have asked before jumping to conclusions. Alice is your _guitar_.

Oh my goodness.

Alice is your guitar. Magic fingers. Playing Music.

I'm so daft.

People are starting to stare at me because I can't stop chuckling over my dunderhead moment. I'm going to have to hightail it out of the library which is just as well.

I need to prepare to see you at seven because it is definitely still on.

Everything you wrote to me sounds amazing, and I hope we get to experience it all tonight. Especially the bit about involving sliding your cock into a tight asshole. Yes, I really like that part.

I hope my blunder can be forgiven and forgotten.

Two hours.

Edward Cullen

Harvard Law '11

**"The Law is Reason Free from Passion." – Aristotle**

* * *

**JasperWhitcock**** to ****EdwardCullenEsquire**** 5:31pm**

**Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: Last Night**

E -

Are you saying you'd like my cock in *your* tight ass? Hmm...?

and yes...forgiven and forgotten. Actually...I can think up a few ways you can make it up to me...starting on your knees. ;) I'll let you figure out the rest on your own. I think you'll be able to...being all Harvard educated and whatnot. Let's see what that brain of yours can come up with.

And yes...it's on. On like Donkey Kong.

-J.

* * *

**EdwardCullenEsquire**** to ****JasperWhitcock**** 6:05pm**

**Subject: Tonight **

J,

I changed our subject because tonight is going to outshine last night a million times over.

That, as you well know, Jasper, is exactly what I was saying. I can't wait to feel you... all of you...

I may be a logical thinker normally, but you'd be surprised at the creative things I can come up with! I can't wait to share some of my _ideas _with you.

Oh, someone is at the door. I'll make sure to get rid of them before you get here.

See you very soon.

Edward Cullen

Harvard Law '11

**"The Law is Reason Free from Passion." – Aristotle

* * *

**

**JasperWhitcock**** to ****EdwardCullenEsquire**** 6:05pm**

**Re: Tonight**

E -

I couldn't wait.

Knock Knock.

- J


	2. Signed, Sealed, Delivered

**A/N: **This was originally written for the TwiSlash Unveiled SLASH Contest. So, yes, it does include some boy on boy smexy times. It includes Edward and...somebody else ;)

Thanks to naelany who beta'd this bad boy.

* * *

Flipping through the eight million channels my television had to offer, I found myself completely bored out of my mind. I was neither a suburban housewife, or a child under the age of ten, and was finding it difficult to pick something that kept my attention. I paused my channel surfing for a moment to readjust my position on the couch. My leg, which was fully covered in a plaster cast, had started to slide off the pillow I was keeping it propped up on. After tossing another pillow to stabilize my leg, I returned my attention to the fruitless search for decent television.

The doorbell rang, so I gave up on the TV. When I looked at the clock I noticed it was just around noon, which had been the regular time that Garrett, my friendly neighborhood UPS man, had been making his stops at my place. We had become friendly over the last month or so, since I had been laid up. I grabbed my crutches that were laying against the couch and hobbled over to the door, not wanting to keep Garrett waiting any longer. Leaning my weight on one of the crutches, I swung the door open, wondering what he had for me today.

"Whatcha got for me, G?" I asked, before looking up and seeing that the man in front of me was clearly not my usual delivery man.

"Oh, sorry. You're not Garrett..." I sputtered, in case the unexpectedly handsome man I was staring at was unaware of that fact.

"They switched our routes up. I'm Edward," he said with a nod of his head, his hands being otherwise full.

"And you're..." he started to ask as he fumbled with the mini keyboard he was holding. I looked down and saw my name right at the top, so I pointed to it, hoping to make things easier for him.

"Yep, that's me," I said with a grin.

Edward took a second to juggle the package right side up and scanned something, while I took a second to fully scan him. There was no way I would have mistaken Edward for Garrett at all. While they both wore the standard brown uniform, Edward looked as if he was poured right into his, as it molded perfectly to his body, showing off his muscular arms and firm legs. My eyes trailed back up to look at his face. His hair came down in front of his eyes and was all messy, looking like he either just woke up, or had come from the fuck of his life. While he concentrated on the package he was scanning, his perfectly pink lips caught in his teeth, as he focused on his task. A pair of vintage, semi-black framed glasses completed his look, creating the perfect mixture of a hot, athletic body and droolworthy nerd. When he bent down to grab something else, I noticed that he had a pretty sweet ass as well. I averted my eyes quickly, before he stood up, in hopes that he didn't catch me staring. I finally looked up to see two glass green eyes locked on my face, a smirk playing at his lips.

_Shit._ He must have caught me. I ignored the smirk and instead asked where I should sign, despite having done this dance with Garrett for what felt like a hundred times over the last few weeks. When I handed Edward his electronic pen back, our fingers brushed slightly and the warm contact felt unexpected, but good. In fact, I wanted the touch to linger, but way too soon he gathered up his pen and shoved his little keyboard back in his holster. My eyes darted down to where the holster sat on his hips, and kept wandering as they lingered on his own package, stuffed within the confines of his shorts.

"Well, then. I guess I better be going?" Edward said, but it came out as more of a question.

Before I could reply, the shrill ring of my cell phone broke the heavy silence between us.

"I should probably get that," I said.

Edward furrowed his brow for a second, creating the cutest set of wrinkles right between his eyes.

"Take care of yourself," he said, his eyes traveling down my body to my cast.

My lips twitched into a smile, and I thanked him before hobbling back down the hallway to grab my phone.

"Hello?"

"How's my favorite editor?"

I could hear Mike's simpering tone over the phone and rolled my eyes, not in the mood for his crap.

"I'd be better if I didn't have a broken leg," I answered truthfully as I sank down onto my couch, my leg starting to ache.

I could hear Mike grimace over the phone.

"I told you, I'm really sorry. It was an accident. There was snow everywhere, and I didn't see you. I'm a total klutz on skis anyway and..."

I cut in before he gave himself another coronary, despite how much I was enjoying his self-flagellation.

"Mike, it's fine. I've just been thinking of this as a mini vacation...on your dime," I reminded him.

As much as I was trying to think of this as a vacation, I was starting to get bored after almost four weeks out of work. At first it wasn't so bad - i was laid up and unable to do much. The past few weeks I had been able to actually get some work done from home, hence the constant deliveries.

"You're totally right. For now, relax, heal up, catch up on your soaps," he joked. "But, make sure you take a look at the manuscript I sent you. I take it you got it today?"

"Yup, I actually have it in my hand as we speak. I'll make sure to take a look at it and get back to you soon," I said as I began ripping open the box to find a manuscript neatly tucked inside.

"I actually have some follow up material to go with it, so expect another package later this week, most likely on Thursday."

"Sounds good," I said, but what I was really thinking was that I'd get another chance to ogle the delivery guy.

Mike and I spoke for a few more minutes and he said he'd be in touch later in the week. I knew I could count on some emails from him, including some of those stupid e-cards he kept sending me, apologizing for my leg. Tossing my phone aside, my eyes darted to the brown cardboard box I had flung on my coffee table and my thoughts briefly flitted to the cute deliveryman who had been at my door only minutes ago.

He had certainly left an impression, as I recalled his tight physique and awkwardly cute demeanor. I couldn't tell if he had been checking me out as well, but would hopefully get a chance to notice when he came to deliver Mike's next package. At least, I hoped he'd be the one to deliver it. Shaking aside all thoughts of Edward, I grabbed my trusty red pen and flipped open the manuscript.

**OoOoOoO**

A few days later I was almost done with the manuscript and was pleased that I was on top of things. Anything I did from here would mean less to catch up on when I got back to the office. While I missed the gang at work, and could certainly have done without the broken leg, telecommuting from home definitely had some perks. At work, I wouldn't have been able to enjoy an extended coffee break while I watched some TV or have taken a midday shower. Although to be honest, showering was far from relaxing since I had to somehow keep my cast dry while doing it, so after one I was semi-clean and frustrated as well. The result was that I ended up somewhat clean, but way more frustrated than when I started. I was beginning to think this whole cleanliness thing was overrated.

As I hobbled to my dresser, pulling a t-shirt on over my wet head, I mentally started counting down the days until this damn cast would finally be removed. After tossing on some loose fitting pajama pants, I made my way to the kitchen to make myself some lunch. As I walked by the kitchen window on the way to the sink, I found myself peering outside at the passing traffic. I was pretty sure that Mike had said that I would be getting his follow up package today, which meant Edward would be stopping by.

I went back to preparing my lunch just as I heard the sound of a truck idling outside of the house. Without even waiting for the doorbell, I started limping over to the front door, knowing it would take me a minute to get there. In my haste to make it to the door, I had left my crutches in the kitchen, and had to use the wall to support myself. I made it to the door just as the doorbell finally rang. I wiped my hands on my pants before opening the door, the corner's of my lips tugging up at the sight in front of me.

It was unseasonably warm and I could tell that Edward must have been doing some heavy lifting because he was glistening with sweat. In fact, a small bead of perspiration had started right below his chiseled chin and had made an excruciatingly slow path down his neck and to his chest, where it got caught in a few stray hairs that were peeking out of his brown buttoned down shirt. Edward spoke, causing me to quickly tear my eyes from his chest.

"Hi."

"Hey, Edward. Good to see you. Hot enough for you?"

I could have kicked myself for making such an idiotic remark. Edward raised his arm up and scratched the back of his neck, his bicep flexing. I might have licked my lips.

"Yeah, it's pretty warm," he agreed and shifted his weight from leg to leg, looking like he had more to say.

"So, um...does the heat make it itchy?" he asked, his voice going up an octave.

I stared at him, my mouth agape, because I had no idea what he was talking about. I blinked a few times, trying to come up with an answer, before he quickly started speaking again.

"Oh, shit. No. I mean, damnit..." His face flushed red and he ran his hand through his already messy hair, clearly frustrated. I bit back a grin, because despite how cute he looked all embarrassed, he probably didn't need me drawing anymore attention to it.

"Sorry. I meant the cast. Does the heat make it itchy? My sister broke her arm a few years back and always complained about how itchy it got. She would stick knitting needles and pencils down the damn thing just help scratch it. When they finally got the cast off her they found a few bits of smashed graphite in there," he said, shaking his head at the memory.

"It's been okay. Thankfully I have central air, so the house doesn't get too bad, and I haven't really been out much since I can't drive. I'm getting the cast off soon, though," I said, my excitement evident in my voice.

"Oh, you are?" Edward asked curiously. "Does that mean you'll be going back to work then?"

He handed me the package, a contemplative look on his face.

"Um, yeah. I can't imagine my boss would be willing to pay me to work from home for much longer," I smirked. "The way it's going now, I'm sure it's costing him a pretty penny with all the deliveries he needs to send me. Serves him right though."

"What do you mean?" Edward asked, as he showed me where to sign.

"Oh, well he's the reason I'm in this damn cast. Mike's always trying to foster team spirit in the office, so he thought it would be fun for us all to go on a group vacation. We ended up heading north to Colorado for a big ski trip. It always amazes me how it can be sweltering down here and only a few hours away there's powdery white mountains, just waiting for you to shred them up. Unfortunately, the only shredding I did, was of my new ski pants. Mike slammed right into me, causing me to careen down the mountain, hitting a tree."

I saw Edward cringe as I recounted the story, including the six hours I spent in the ER until they saw me and reset my leg.

"So that's what happened. I can't say I haven't given Mike a hard time about it, but I guess it could have happened to anyone," I shrugged.

Edward nodded and gathered up his electronic pen, placing it back securely in his cute holster. He looked thoughtful for a moment before bending down, pointing to a thin white line near his knee telling me the story of how he got it.

I tried to listen, but honestly, I wasn't really paying attention. Instead, I used the opportunity to not only inspect the scar, but the rest of his toned leg as well. I leaned against the door frame, letting it support my weight as I bent further forward, taking in Edward's tan, firm legs. On the right side of one of his legs, I noticed some bright color and inky lines and looked a bit closer to see a large tattoo that covered his entire calf. I tried not to stare too long, and with the brief glimpse that I got, I could tell that the shy, seemingly straight laced delivery man standing in front of me had some bad boy hidden underneath.

I heard Edward clear his throat and looked up, only somewhat abashed that I had been caught ogling him once again. I smirked at him, as if it clearly wasn't my fault that I was staring.

"See you around, Edward," I said, knowing that Mike was sending out another manuscript next week. I stayed firmly planted by the door as he walked back down the driveway towards his truck, waving goodbye to me as he drove off.

I did my best to push all thoughts of Edward out of my head for the next few hours so I could work on the stuff Mike had sent over. I managed to mostly focus on work, though, making things easier for me upon my return to the office. Almost a week had passed since I had last seen Edward and I wondered when the new manuscript would get here. I had asked Mike once and he said he was getting around to it, but never gave me a firm date for when he'd send it out. The combination of not being able to really leave the house and the lack of Edward stopping by had me feeling a little cranky.

I knew of one way to blow off some steam, and by the end of the night found myself laying on my bed, a box of tissues strategically placed nearby. I closed my eyes, my head hitting the headboard behind me, but I couldn't have cared less. My thoughts were focused on one thing only...Edward. I pictured him as I had met him, dark brown button up shirt showing off his defined arms and broad chest. I let my hand slide down my belly as I recalled the sprinkling of bronze chest hair that peeked out from the top of the shirt. Even in a boring old uniform, Edward managed to look amazing. Remembering the way Edward's ass looked as he bent over to grab a package for me, I felt myself harden and reached into my bedside table for some lube.

I allowed myself to imagine exactly what would happen if by some random twist of fate I found out that Edward was as into me as I was into him. Of course, my mind automatically settled on some image of Edward in his delivery uniform, and the thoughts of a bad porn plot flitted through my mind before I focused on the man who rang my bell...

After a few minutes lost in the fantasy of Edward giving me his...special delivery, my eyes flew open as I looked down, seeing my own hand quickly bringing me to the brink. The warm feeling in my stomach uncurling and spiraled out, ending in my release. I grabbed a few tissues and wiped myself clean, wishing that it wasn't my own hand that ended up providing me with pleasure. Despite wishing for a warm body to fall asleep against and having none, I still slept better that night than I had the past few days.

**OoOoOoO**

The next day I opened my fridge and realized I was down to the bare bones. I shot off an email to my best friend about the sad state of affairs, hoping she'd get the hint. Only a few hours later, Rose was standing at my front door, bags of groceries and a hot pizza in hand.

I gave her a hug and grabbed some of the lighter bags before walking into the kitchen to start putting them away.

"You're too good to me, Rose."

Having brought the rest of the bags and the pizza in with her, Rose sidled up next to me and gently hip checked me.

"I know. Oh, and you owe my fifty-seven dollars."

I rolled my eyes as I went to look for my wallet. Grabbing the cash, I handed it to Rose before turning back to unload the rest of the groceries. As I was sticking a carton of milk in the fridge, a hand shot out and grabbed my shoulder. Rose spun me around, making sure to keep me balanced.

"What?" I asked her, quirking an eyebrow.

"Who was it?" she asked, a smirk upon her face.

"Who was who?" I questioned, having no clue what the fuck she was talking about.

"Who got you laid," she asked, folding her arms across her chest, waiting for a response.

"I...uh...nobody. What?" I was pretty sure I would have remembered if I had gotten laid.

"You can't fool me, babe. I know you and you have that look about you. That, I just got off big time look," Rosalie said, her smirk growing bigger by the second.

All of a sudden it all clicked. I probably had that stupid giddy look I got post orgasm, despite it being almost a day since then, and at my own hand. I flushed slightly, remembering the thoughts that led me to my release.

"There!" shrieked Rose, her finger pointing at me accusingly.

"That right there! I knew it. Now spill," she demanded.

I groaned and limped over to the kitchen table, sitting down and grabbing a slice of the pizza.

"If you really want to know, grab me a beer and we'll talk over dinner."

Rose pulled two beers from the fridge and sat down across from me, helping herself to some pizza.

"So...I kind of met somebody," I started, not sure how much information to give her.

"You kind of met somebody?" she asked, her expression skeptical. "You're home bound for the most part. How the hell did you meet somebody?"

Before I could answer she started talking again.

"Oh! I know! Was it a door to door salesman? Was he all, 'Well, hello there. Do I have the perfect vacuum for you. The suction is just perfect'? Or perhaps it was a missionary trying to save your poor soul? 'Come, child. Come down on your knees and I'll show you the way to salvation.'"

By this point her face was red as she gasped for breath between fits of laughter.

"This. This is why I didn't want to say anything," I muttered.

"Oh," Rose pouted. "Don't be like that. Tell me. I promise I'll be good."

I sat there silently, eating my pizza, ignoring Rose. After downing half of my beer, I finally looked back up at her and saw her batting her eyelashes at me.

"Pretty please?"

"Fine," I conceded and told her all about Edward - to Rose's credit she actually stayed silent throughout my entire description.

"And yeah..." I finished up. "I may have um, had some happy fun time by myself yesterday, with the aid of a certain deliveryman's image."

Rose sat there for a minute, sipping her beer and looking thoughtful. She took my hand in hers and gave it a squeeze.

"So, do you think you'll make a move?"

I shrugged my shoulders, still not sure what I was going to do. Rose let go of my hand and sat back in her chair.

"Now, I think we need to get to the root of this whole thing. How big do you think his...um...package is?" she asked, snorting.

I rolled my eyes, not answering her. It didn't seem to deter her, however, as she clearly had a few more jokes stored up.

"I mean, I wonder if he knows how to deliver the goods. You know, if he can handle the hard deliveries or if he can fill your slot the right way."

By this point I couldn't help but join in laughing, shaking my head at Rose's jokes. We spent the rest of the night on the couch, watching bad TV and eating ice cream. Rose convinced me to try and flirt with Edward to see what would happen. I thought about it, figuring that at least I'd have a better idea of whether or not he was into me. When I fell asleep later that night, I remembered that Edward would be here in a few days delivering the last manuscript to me. It would probably be the last time I'd get to see him before returning to work, so I vowed to turn on the charm and see where it got me.

**OoOoOoO**

I didn't even pretend to not realize why I kept staring out the window all morning. I knew that my manuscript was due to arrive today and I was getting anxious about seeing Edward. I still didn't have a solid plan and figured I would just wing it, hoping that things would just fall into place. I paced around the kitchen, putting away some dishes and then wiping down the counter until it was completely spotless. I checked my email ten times and kept glancing at the little clock in the right hand corner of my screen wondering where the hell he was. Finally, it was almost one o'clock when I heard the low rumble of an idling truck outside my house. As fast as my broken leg could take me, I hobbled to the front of the house, just as the doorbell rang.

Edward was standing there, looking like a vision right from my dreams. His hair was completely wild, as if he had run his hand through it a million times. His glasses had slipped down his nose a bit, and since his hands were full with my package and his little electric signature thingy, I really wanted to help him out and push them back up. Instead, I just stood there, smiling.

"Hey Edward."

"Hey. Looks like you have another package. Hope your boss isn't making you work too hard," he said, handing it to me.

I chuckled before taking the package and placing it on the table next to the front door so my hands would be free. I leaned against the door frame, trying to look casual.

"I can manage," I said, winking. I was pretty pleased with my baby step flirting until Edward looked at me curiously.

"Do you have something in your eye?" he asked, taking a step closer.

Instinctively, I took a step back, not needing him to see that my eye was perfectly clear. Unfortunately, though, walking backwards threw my balance off and I grasped out for something to hold on to before I fell over. A warm hand shot out and curled around my upper arm, helping me straighten up. My other arm went out and braced itself on the door frame, and I was able to hold myself up again on my own. However, the warm hand stayed wrapped around my arm for a beat longer, and when I looked up, I saw Edward watching me, his face flushed.

"Th...thank you." I managed to stutter out as I stared at his hand.

Edward followed my eyes and immediately withdrew his hand from my body, leaving the space he had just touched cold and wanting. He stood there for a second, looking like he wanted to say something. Instead he thrust the the electronic pen at me, muttering, "Sign here, please."'

Had touching me made him uncomfortable? I had hoped when I saw his flushed face before that he had been as excited by the physical contact as I had been, but maybe I had read his signals wrong. He kept shifting from foot to foot, and looked incredibly awkward. I couldn't help but stare at him, and my eyes trailed down to his crotch. I had to bite my lip as I noticed a tell tale bulge straining against his shorts. Edward noticed me staring and ripped the pen back from me, turning around to high-tale it back to his waiting van.

"Edward, wait!" I cried out, wanting him to stop. He had no need to be embarrassed at all. I wanted to run after him but my crutches had fallen to the ground, making it incredibly hard to scoop them up and hobble out to him before he zoomed off. I groaned, pissed that my last encounter with Edward had been such a failure. I somehow had completely fucked up my only chance at possibly asking Edward out.

Instead of looking at the manuscript that Mike sent, I shut my cell phone off and turned the television on, praying that the inanity of _The Jersey Shore_ would at least numb my mind so I wouldn't be too upset. Eventually I pulled myself out of my funk long enough to get some work done. The rest of the week was spent working and avoiding all calls from Rosalie, knowing she'd want to hear if anything happened with Edward.

Friday came, and I had my much anticipated appointment with my doctor to finally remove my cast. While I was excited about having the hulking piece of plaster off my leg, I was still moping over my failed attempt at flirting with Edward. Rose picked me up and we drove to the doctor's in relative silence. She looked like she wanted to say something, but had the decency not to say anything, at least until we were driving home, fast food in hand.

"So," she said, in between slurps of her diet Coke. "Don't think I'm going to let you get away with being all sad panda on me. You just got your cast off, you should be thrilled. What's with being the Mayor of Mopeville?"

I shoved my burger in my mouth, hoping to buy some time as I chewed. I shrugged, but Rose didn't let me off that easy. I finally relented and told her all about what had happened.

"It sounds pretty cringe worthy, but it's not the end of the world. If anything, you're going back to work next Monday, so you won't have to see him again!" she exclaimed.

"I go back Tuesday," I corrected her. "Mike gave me an extra long weekend because he still feels bad. But yeah, Tuesday I'll be back at work and not around to get anymore packages."

I popped a few fries in my mouth as I thought about things. Sure, I wouldn't have to see Edward again, but that's what made me sad. I _wanted_ to see Edward again! I tried to explain as much to Rose, who looked at me thoughtfully, remaining oddly silent. Rose asked if she could use my laptop, and I told her to go for it while I took my first cast free shower. Despite having to sit on the shower bench while I washed due to my healed leg being pretty weak still, it felt glorious to be able to finally wash my entire body.

After drying off and getting dressed, I walked back into the living room to see Rose fastidiously typing away on the computer. When I tried to get a look at what she was doing, she swatted me away and quickly closed the browser, deleting the history so I couldn't find out.

"Watch porn on your own computer, Rose," I griped.

She rolled her eyes at me before getting up.

"I wasn't looking at porn, dumbass. I was, however, trying to fix this thing between you and Edward. Don't screw your second chance up."

I begged her to explain herself further, but when she didn't, I gave up, knowing that once Rose had set her mind on something, there was no use trying to figure it out. As if to distract me further, Rose produced a six pack of my favorite beer and we began celebrating the removal of my cast.

The weekend past by quickly and I only wondered what Rose had meant a few times. I still couldn't figure out what she had done, and hoped I would find out soon, so I wasn't preoccupied by it when I returned to work. By Monday, I had gotten ahead with all of my work, and used my last day at home to relax, catching up on dvr-d shows I had grown to enjoy the last few weeks. When I heard the familiar rumble of a truck idling around noon, my stomach did an involuntary flip flop as I limped over to the door.

The doorbell rang and before I opened it, I gave a silent prayer to whoever was listening that Edward was on the other side of it. I opened it up and there he was, his eyes looking anywhere but me.

"Hi, Edward," I said, hoping to break the ice. "What are you doing here?"

He looked at me quizzically, as if I should have known why he was there. I had briefly entertained the thought that he was here to ask me out or something, but judging by the look on his face, I was dead wrong. I sighed, and he finally looked me right in the eyes.

"Meat," he said, as if the answer was obvious.

"Meat?" I asked, completely perplexed.

"Yeah, I have a delivery here for you from Omaha Steaks. It looks like it was ordered on Friday and shipped express. You were in a hurry to get all this meat?" he asked, pointing to the large box behind him, that I had not noticed until then.

I shook my head, realizing that this was what Rosalie must have been doing on my computer. Of all the things she could have ordered, she had to order meat? _Crazy bitch._

"That's a lot of meat for one person," he noted as he had me sign for it.

"Yeah," I agreed.

"I like meat." Edward's admission shocked me, and I looked up to see his eyes widen, as if just realizing what he had said.

There was no way I wasn't going to use this chance to my advantage.

"Yeah, me too. Do you want some of my meat?" I asked, doing my best to maintain a straight face.

There was an awkward silence and for a brief second I wondered if I had gone too far.

"What I mean is, would you like to come over for dinner...we can tackle the meat together."

Edward nodded slowly, and I couldn't help but grin.

"So, seven o'clock tonight then?" I asked, making sure to firm up plans before he ran away all skittish again.

Edward scratched the back of his head and thought for a second before answering.

"Sure, seven. Sounds good, I'll see you then," he said, as he offered me a heartmelting smile of his own. I watched as Edward turned around and headed back towards his van, his step a little lighter.

After pushing the box of meat into my house, I closed the door, wondering just what would happen at this little dinner date later in the evening.

**OoOoOoO**

Taking a deep breath, I flipped down the visor in my car and inspected my face for any unforeseen embarrassments. I'd hate to show up at his front door with a booger hanging out of my nose.

Finding everything good on the home front, I straightened my glasses, flipped the visor back into place and took that last step and got out of the car. With excitement over this evening, I'd arrived almost ten minutes early. Luckily, since he'd only seen me in my work truck, he didn't know what kind of vehicle I drove. My '67 Nova wasn't the most inconspicuous vehicle. I hope he didn't notice when I drove in front of his house after the first time we met. I only did it once… or twice… or every other day. Really, who keeps track of things like that?

_It's just dinner, Edward_, I mentally prepared myself. _You don't even know if he's gay. Play it cool. _

Nodding to myself and my internal pep talk, I walked to his door and rang the bell. Not even ten seconds later the door flew open, revealing a grinning man.

"Emmett," I practically whispered.

My eyes traveled down his body of their own accord, and I noticed his cast was gone.

"You don't have a cast," I mumbled lamely.

"Uh, no, I didn't have it earlier, either," he laughed.

"You didn't?" I asked, scratching my head. Was I really that nervous during our conversation earlier that I didn't even notice? He shook his head with a smile in answer. "Well, um, congratulations…" I trailed off.

"Thank you, Edward," he replied warmly. "Please, come in." He stepped aside, motioning for me to enter. I finally crossed the threshold, grinning lightly to myself. Since the first delivery to his house, I wanted to make it further than the front porch, and it was finally happening. I _seriously_ hoped I wasn't wrong and Emmett was gay.

He shut the door behind us and stepped forward, obviously preparing to come in for a hug. I let out a silent sigh of relief. Hugging definitely meant date! I leaned toward him, as well, showing I would be receptive to a hug, but a shrill alarm started ringing.

"Shit," he cursed under his breath. "That's the timer for the potatoes. Sit," he said, directing me into his dining room. I nodded with a smile, following him as far as the table. I sat, noticing a large bouquet of all kinds of flowers on the table.

Hell, yeah. Flowers definitely meant date!

Emmet poked his head out of the doorway, finding me fingering the delicate petals of an iris. "Rose got those for me," he remarked with a smile before returning to whatever he was doing in the kitchen.

_Who the hell was Rose, and why the fuck was she buying him flowers?_

"You want some wine?" he called out from the other room.

"Sure," I said, forcing a smile. Even if this wasn't a date, I couldn't be a rude dinner guest. That was just not cool.

He walked out with two glasses of dark red wine, handing me one and holding his glass out to me for a toast.

"To new… _friends_," he said with a smirk, arching his eyebrow playfully.

"Friends?" I blurted out without thinking.

Emmett smile faltered as his eyes flicked quickly over my face. "Um… yeah, well…"

"Is this a date?" I interrupted his mumbling. I couldn't take the fucking confusion any longer.

He blinked once, staring at my face. "Do you want it to be a date?" he asked almost shyly.

I wanted to scream at him - Of course I wanted it to be a fucking date. He was hot as sin! I didn't do that, though. "Well, I don't necessarily make it a habit of eating my customer's meat!" I told him enthusiastically.

"Oh," he stated simply, swishing his lips back and forth in thought. "So, uh, why my meat?"

"Well, actually, you're the first customer to ask me over for... meat…" I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes for continuing this meat-date metaphor. It was getting kind of ridiculous.

"I appreciate all this meat talk. Trust me, I like meat as much as the next guy, but can we talk straight for a second?" he asked, talking animatedly with his hands.

I sure as hell hoped we weren't talking _straight_, but I just nodded. "Of course."

He took a quick, deep breath and smiled at me. "I asked you here tonight because I wanted to get to know you more, Edward," he told me. "This is most definitely a date."

I couldn't help but smile back. It's a date. Hell, yeah!

"I'm glad, Emmett," I chuckled.

He bit his lip before letting out a loud bark of laughter. "Besides," he started, pausing to look me up and down, "you look damn hot in those UPS shorts. I kinda wish you were wearing them, now."

Before I had a chance to respond, the timer went off again, and Emmett walked out of the room, leaving me more than a little excited for the rest of the evening. I took a large gulp of my wine.

A few minutes later, Emmett walked out with a bowl in one hand and a plate in the other. "I cooked us a selection of Omaha Steak's finest along with asparagus and mashed potatoes," he relayed the dinner menu with a smile. "Also, I didn't know how you liked your steak done, so there is a range from practically still mooing up to well done."

I was touched that he did all this for me, and I could feel my mouth lift up into a smile. "I like medium rare, so not quite mooing," I told him with a small laugh.

He chuckled, grinning, and he held up his finger for a moment before he walked back into the kitchen. He returned immediately with a giant platter filled with all different cuts of steak.

"Well, if you want medium rare," he started, his eyes circling the meat in his hand. "Ah… I have a t-bone with your name on it." He lifted his eyes from the plate, and I could see the nervousness there.

"That just happens to be one of my favorites," I replied, hopefully easing his tension. "Lay it on me," I continued with a wink.

"Hopefully, later," he retorted, returning my wink.

_Well, alright, then_, I thought to myself. This is going to be one hell of a date. Maybe we could have steak for breakfast, as well…

A few minutes later, we were up to our eyeballs in steak, and Emmett was moving along to his second cut of meat. The man could definitely eat. That's for sure.

"So, I know your boss pretty much broke your leg," I started the conversation once my plate was half empty, "but I don't know what you do."

"I'm in publishing – an editor for non-fiction, sports mostly," he told me, taking another bite of his Porterhouse.

"Sports books?" I questioned.

"Yeah, like memoirs and auto-biographies… sometimes histories of different teams. Stuff like that."

"That sounds really cool," I replied honestly.

"I love it, and you don't get so many fanatical authors like in fiction. I did that for a while, but it's hard to tell someone that even though you like their stuff, the majority of it's going to have to be changed." He shook his head. "It was like I was strangling their dreams with my bare hands."

I nodded. "I understand what you're saying, but I was on the other side," I said with a sad smile.

"The other side?"

"The owner of the strangled dream," I replied.

"You write?" he asked curiously.

"Nah, I'm useless with a pen," I told him with a chuckle. "I'm a musician. A few years back, I thought I had my big break, but it wasn't as glamorous as I thought it'd be."

"What happened?" he urged, placing his fork down on his plate.

"They weren't interested in my music, not really. They wanted me to do all this pop shit, and I just couldn't do it. It wasn't worth the money to me."

"Do you still play?"

I nodded, smiling. "I do. I have gigs most weekends, but I also work at UPS to pay the bills. Hopefully, one day, I'll get signed to a small indie label, and I can make the music I want. Until then, I'm just happy I get to play." I started to laugh. "I even got a tattoo to symbolize my feelings about it."

"The one on your leg?" he implored, his eyes widening with his question.

"You noticed it?"

"Well, uh, you do wear shorts for work," he replied sheepishly, "and you have some nice fucking legs." He chuckled nervously. "What is the tattoo of?"

"It's kinda abstract, but it's a tree with music notes instead of leaves. There also some birds in there to represent freedom. It's about life and music and how it's organic for me. It's a part of me, really."

"That's a really cool way to represent it. I wouldn't mind checking it out…"

"Well, I wouldn't mind showing it to you," I flirted back.

Emmett made a point of pushing away from the table loudly. He stood and clapped his hands together. "Well, I'm done if you're done," he told me with a sheepish grin.

I stood, as well, although without all the fanfare. "I'm done." I returned his grin. I glanced down at the dirty plates littering the table. "Should we clean…" I started, but he quickly interrupted me.

"I'll get these later." He smiled and led the way into the living room.

He motioned for me to sit, and I did, setting my now empty wine glass down on the coffee table.

"Would you like more?" he questioned, pointing to my glass.

I smiled, nodding. "Sure."

He left the room and came back a moment later with the wine bottle. He refilled both our glasses. Emmett grinned at me from across the coffee table before he walked to his stereo, turning on some music.

"Jazz fan?" he asked as a light saxophone interlude filtered through the speakers.

I closed my eyes, listening to the swirling and soothing sounds. "Sounds fantastic," I told him after my silent moment of appreciation. "Miles Davis?"

"The one and only," he confirmed with a grin. He walked over to me, motioning with his open palm to the seat next to me on the couch. "Do you mind?"

I chuckled at his sudden shyness. I assumed he would just plop down next to me. "Trust me, Emmett," I assured him. "I do_ not_ mind."

He smiled and sat down close, the whole left side of his body pressed against my right. He grabbed his glass and took a sip before placing it back down. He peeked over at me, a half-smile gracing his face.

Emmett yawned and stretched his arms into the air. I was almost in shock at the move I suspected was coming. As predicted, Emmett then put his arm down over the back of the couch, resting loosely along the expanse of my shoulders.

I couldn't help but laugh. "Did you seriously just do _that_ move?" I questioned him.

"What?" he feigned innocence, but a second later he snickered. "It's a classic." He gave me a wicked smile.

"Oh, yeah, well, you know what they say," I replied with a wink. "Yawning is contagious." To prove my point I let out an exaggerated yawn and rested my head on his shoulder. I moved my left palm to his flat stomach and snuggled into his body.

"That's nice," he murmured as his fingers moved to the hair at the nape of my neck, fingering the strands. "Edward?" Emmett whispered.

"Yeah?" I lifted my chin, so I could look up at him.

He took a deep breath. "I really wanted this to happen," he spoke with honesty, his eyes locked with mine.

"Yeah?" I repeated, but this time a happy lilt was obvious in my voice.

He smiled and nodded. "Since that very first package…" he trailed off, his eyes glazing over. He was so fucking adorable.

"I did like delivering you… packages," I played along.

"Yeah?" he asked, using my word of choice and smiling sheepishly. "You know," he started, his fingers trailing around the circumference of my neck to the collar of my white button-up. "I have a package that I'd like to deliver to you."

I started laughing. "Shit, Emmett," I choked out through tears of laughter. "That was like a line out of some horrible porno!"

"Oh, god," he groaned. "You're so fucking right. I can't believe I said that." He shook his head, covering his eyes with his left hand.

"Hey," I said with a smile, sitting up. I lifted my hand to his face, turning his face down toward mine. "Even though it was pure cheese, I really wouldn't mind receiving your package," I told him, smirking.

Emmett let out a small huff of air. "I'm normally a bit smoother," he promised.

"No worries," I reassured him, but he shook his head once more. "Seriously, Emmett, I like you the way you are. I don't need a smooth talker." I bit my lip and looked him up and down. "Besides, I'm smooth enough for the both of us," I teased, winking at him before playfully popping my shirt collar.

"Real slick," Emmett joked, rolling his eyes. He brought his hands to the collar of my shirt and straightened it for me.

With both of his hands on my shoulders, his eyes searched my face. The humor that just filled the air was gone; a new tension consumed us both. It was electric; it was charged. More than anything, it was sexual.

I really fucking wanted him.

With a small close-lipped smile, I leaned in, testing this new development in our short relationship. I kept my eyes locked with his, and he grinned back until our lips connected for the first time.

His lips were warm and soft, enveloping mine in the most mouthwatering way. We moved together slowly, both getting to know the feel of the other. After a moment, I sucked his bottom lip into my mouth, and it was the end of slow.

He was all over me.

One of his hands moved from my neck to my chest. The other ventured to my face. He traced a line from my chin to my ear before cupping my face in his large hand. I leaned into automatically, needing to be closer.

His lips assaulted mine, covering them, taking charge, and I was more than willing to let them. His hand wrapped around my knee, hitching my leg up, pulling until I was straddling his lap. "Is this okay?" he asked, finally breaking away from our kiss.

Instead of answering, I grinded down into his lap, reconnecting our lips. Emmett growled into my mouth, and our tongues met, moving together almost sloppily. It was perfect in it's imperfection. Every little thing was packed with so much desire; it left me reeling. My lips tingled, and my crotch throbbed.

Honestly, I'd never wanted another man as much as I wanted Emmett right now. That fact was fucking scary, but I couldn't deny that it was the truth.

His lips moved down to my jaw and then my neck, leaving behind a tingling wake. His day old whiskers scratched at my sensitive skin in the best possible way. God, I loved a man with some scruff. "Emmett," I gasped as he simultaneously bit down on the juncture of my neck and shoulder and thrusted his erection up into mine. "Bedroom!" I exclaimed through a heavy breath.

He pulled away from his bite mark, swiping his tongue over it once. He chuckled and nodded and then tried to stand with me still straddling his lap. We quickly crashed back down onto the couch. "Stupid fucking weak leg," he grunted out in frustration.

"Shit, Emmett, you just got a leg cast off. Why the hell would you try to pick me up?" I teased, kissing him once on the neck.

He looked at me incredulously. "Edward, I'm a big guy," he stated seriously. "I normally could toss you up in the fucking air like a baby."

"There are a lot of things wrong with that," I laughed. "You should never toss a baby into the air."

He rolled his eyes before he burst out laughing. "Besides," I continued, "we all need someone else to take care of us sometimes, Emmett." I climbed out of his lap and held my hand out to him. He took it and stood. "Lead the way." I motioned in front of me with a wink.

He stood and not releasing my hand started to walk down the hallway. I trailed behind him, enjoying the feel of our hands linked together. Emmett stopped at an open door and turned back to me. He winked before moving into his bedroom.

"So, this is it," he told me, and I glanced around in appreciation. It was done in dark blues and browns, and it was very soothing. My eyes landed on the bed... and stayed on the bed. "See something you like?" he questioned with a laugh.

I turned my head back to him, quirking my eyebrow. "You could say that," I retorted with a smirk, looking him up and down. He pulled me to him, our mouths immediately reconnecting. The kiss was needy and rough, and I couldn't get enough. Emmett apparently couldn't either because the next moment my knees hit the back of his bed. I didn't even realize we were moving.

He pushed me hard enough to make me fall backward onto the mattress, and he stood at the end of the bed, towering over me. He licked his lips, causing my erection to twitch in my now constricted jeans. Emmett grabbed my boots and pulled them off, tossing them to the floor. He leaned over and ran his hands up my legs, from my ankles to my waist, skipping the one place I really fucking wanted him to touch me. He made slow work of unbuttoning my pants and sliding down the zipper before he ran his hands back down my legs.

With one smooth tug, my jeans met my boots on the floor.

"This isn't really fair," I whined when his lips met my calf. I lifted my head to find him kissing my tattoo… which was really fucking hot.

"What's not fair?" he asked between kisses.

"I'm in my underwear. You're not," I stated simply. "Thus, we have an unbalance of sorts."

"Hmm…" he pondered, rubbing his chin facetiously. "Well, I think we are just going to have to balance that out," he stated before toeing off his shoes and pulling down his jeans. "Better?" he asked.

"I'd be better if you took off your shirt, too," I told him with a wink.

"You would?" he smirked. "I think I'd better with your shirt off, too," he continued playfully. I started to unbutton each button as quickly as I could after Emmett whipped his long sleeved shirt off and over his head, leaving him in his boxer briefs in front of me.

Once we were both down to our skivvies, he crawled up onto the bed, crouching over me. I ran a finger from his belly button to his sternum and then back again. "God, Emmett," I groaned. "I fucking want you."

"Shit, I want you, too," he moaned before connecting his lips to my neck. "You're so fucking sexy, Edward." He continued kissing down my neck to my shoulder and chest. He took my nipple between his lips, flicking his tongue over the sensitive skin.

I arched my back up, trying desperately to get closer to his mouth, to get more of anything I could. He moved to my other nipple, which only drove me crazier. I thrusted my cock up into whatever part of his body was resting against me. Honestly, I didn't fucking care at this point. I needed some friction.

"I can't wait to fuck you," he mumbled against my skin, causing my arms to break out into goose bumps.

"Oh, god, I want that, too," I moaned as his mouth descended to my bellybutton. He flicked his tongue into it, circling the flesh languidly.

"You, Edward," he told me between licks, "are delicious."

"Fuck," I groaned as my fingers dug into his hair. "Am I better than all your meat?" I teased.

"I bet Omaha Steaks has nothing on your meat," he retorted with a smile.

My hips jerked up. "Why don't you see for yourself?"

He arched an eyebrow at me before giving me a sinful wink and pulling down my boxers. My cock bounced out, standing up hard and straight. God, it was fucking throbbing. "Well, you certainly look mouth-watering," he remarked, staring at my dick like it was the Porterhouse he devoured at dinner.

"Hungry?" I joked.

"Starved."

With that, he ran his tongue up the length of my cock, causing me to hiss in pleasure.

"Mmm," he hummed against my flesh before encasing the head of my cock in his mouth.

"No, no," I chanted.

Emmett let my cock pop out of his mouth. "No?" he questioned in confusion.

"I'm too worked up," I told him honestly. "I don't want to cum until your dick is inside me."

He visibly shuddered. "Shit, Edward," he said, shaking his head. He dropped his forehead to my thigh. "Warn a guy before you say something like that - I nearly jizzed in my underwear."

I let out a small laugh. "Speaking of which… not that I don't appreciate your body in those Calvin's, but why the fuck are you still wearing them?"

He smirked up at me and scooted off the bed. He slid his underwear off his hips and down his legs before standing up again, his hard cock visible for my hungry eyes. I noticed then, though, that he was standing mostly on his right leg.

"Emmett, are you okay?" I questioned, motioning with my head to his leg.

"Yeah, I'm fine. My leg is just tired."

"Well, that's no good," I replied, patting the bed next to me. "Here, come lay down."

"I can't. I've got to sex you up something fierce," he retorted with a smile.

"God, I can't wait, but you can't even stand on your leg," I chided. "Come. Lay. Now."

"Fine," he grumbled, relaxing on the bed next to me.

I lifted myself up and rested my body on my elbow, running my other hand over his chiseled chest. "See, now, isn't that better?" My hand drifted down to his cock, fisting the base of it.

Emmett gulped loudly. "That's a whole lot better, but I want your ass, Edward."

"And, I'm going to give it to you," I replied. "Where's the lube and condoms?"

"Bedside table."

I leaned back, opened the drawer and pulled out the necessary items. I started to remove my glasses, but Emmett's arm shot up, stopping me.

"Keep 'em on," he told my in a gruff voice. I arched my brow at him in question. "I like your glasses. You look fucking hot in them."

I smiled and nodded, keeping my glasses on, before fluffing some pillows for him to rest against "Scoot up on the bed," I told him.

"I'm not fucking FDR over here," he cursed at me.

"The thing is," I retorted sarcastically, "when I'm riding your cock, I don't want you to get a crick in your neck, so scoot the fuck up."

He scoffed but moved up the bed, none the less. I handed him the lube before straddling his stomach in reverse. I looked back at him over my shoulder with a smile. "Now, Emmett, I'm going to suck your big cock, and I want you to get me all ready for you while I do it. Sound like a plan?"

He jerked his hips up. "You think you can handle all that?" he questioned in a fierce voice.

"I honestly can't wait," I replied before turning back and immediately taking the head of his cock into my mouth. A second later, I felt his big fingers running over the expanse of my ass, dipping lightly into my crack and gently circling my hole.

My loud groan was muffled by his cock in my mouth when the tip of his finger penetrated me for the first time. I wanted more. I shamelessly wiggled my hips back onto his finger before it was buried inside me.

I heard Emmett chuckle when I started to fuck myself on his finger, but I was too far gone to care. I did notice, though, when another of his thick fingers slipped into my hole, stretching me.

I licked at his cock, sucking and kissing up the length of him as his fingers started to scissor, making me burn in the best possible way.

I felt my muscles relax and take his fingers in easily, and I arched up, silently begging him to move his fingers faster, harder. I needed more. I gave his cock one more kiss and then turned back to look at him.

"I'm so ready for your cock, Emmett," I murmured with half-closed eyes. "How do you want me?"

He licked his lips, and I bit mine to keep a moan from escaping. He tapped me on the bottom to move. I crawled to the left of him, and he scooted up on the bed where he was leaning against the headboard.

"I want you to face me while you ride my cock," he told me with a small, lazy smile. "I need to be able to kiss you at the same time."

I leaned over and pressed my lips against his. "I like that idea," I agreed. I ripped open the condom package with my teeth, carefully unrolling it over his erection. I squirted some lube into my hand and covered his shaft. I lifted my leg over his waist once more, grabbing his cock and positioning it at my entrance. "You ready for me?"

"So fucking ready," he moaned. "Sit on that dick."

Without another word, I pushed my body down on his erection until the head of his cock slipped past my tight ring of muscles. "Oh my god," I hissed, pausing to catch my now frantic breath. "Emmett, you have a huge cock!"

"Hey," he called out in a small voice. "If it's too…"

I cut him off with a kiss. "No, it's not too much," I replied with a wink, still sitting atop his cock. "I was merely commenting. It's a fucking fabulous huge cock," I amended. "I can't wait until it's completely inside me, filling me up."

"Yes," he hissed as I worked myself further onto his cock. I went slow, pushing and pulling until my ass was flush with his hips. A loud groan escaped my lips when I actually felt his dick twitch inside me.

"You feel better than I thought you would," I noted, moving my hands to his shoulders for leverage. "Just so fucking great," I murmured.

He stole a kiss, his mouth hard and desperate, his tongue flicking against mine as I started to ride him. Using my thighs, I worked my ass over his dick wantonly.

"Your ass is so tight," he hissed as I rammed down hard and grinded into his lap. "God, Edward, just like that."

I couldn't even talk. The sensations were overwhelming, so I captured Emmett's lips with mine, kissing him with everything I had. I couldn't be sure how much time had passed, but my thighs were burning. I dropped down on his dick and stopped for a moment, breathing heavy. My forehead fell to his shoulder.

"Edward?" Emmett called my name out after a moment.

"Fuck," I whispered into his shoulder.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, my legs are burning. I just needed to reposition," I told him, laughing lightly. I pulled my legs forward, putting my hands on his thighs. I lifted myself again up and down on his dick, the new position allowing him to brush against my prostate on every down stroke. "Fuck, fuck, fuck," I chanted.

Emmett thrust up every time I came down on his dick, causing our skin to slap loudly together. "God, Edward, I'm getting close," he chocked out. He reached up and thumbed the precum dripping out of the slit of my dick, spreading it down the shaft. He started to stroke me in time with our movements, and the dual sensations were going to cause me to lose my mind.

I lifted myself up, physically shaking from our ministrations. "Gonna... gonna... oh god... shit," I panted out. I came down again on his cock, cumming hard all over Emmett's stomach and chest. My legs collapsed beneath me, and I fell forward onto Emmett. I could barely move. I turned my lips to Emmett's ear. "Fuck me, Emmett. I want you to cum inside me. I want to feel you."

He closed his eyes, his nose scrunching up, almost as if he was in pain. "Fuuuck," he cursed. "I'm... cumming..." He thrust up once more, and then dropped to the bed, his arms falling from my hips. He just laid there for a moment, never opening his yes. "Oh my god," he practically whispered. "That was..."

"Amazing," I stated, finishing his sentence, bringing my lips back to his.

**OoOoOoO**

I pulled my truck up to the curb, grabbing the brown box with his name on it. "Needs to be signed for... why's he not at work?" I spoke out loud to myself before noticing the label on the outside of the box.

I ran up to the door with a smile, ringing the bell.

He opened the door immediately, looking devilishly handsome, as always. "Well," he started with a smirk. "If it isn't my friendly, neighborhood UPS man."

"That I am," I said with a grin. "I have a cheesecake selection for you today." I held out the package to him. "Just sign here," I told him, handing over my electronic pen. He quickly gave me his signature and handed back my pen.

"So, you have someone special you're going to share all that creamy goodness with?" I asked, taking one small step closer.

"Yep," he commented, licking his lips. He grabbed the collar of my brown shirt, pulling me closer. "My boyfriend," he said right before crashing his lips to mine.

"Lucky man," I retorted when we broke apart.

"I'm definitely the lucky one," he mused. "So, seven o'clock... bring your appetite." He glanced down at the crotch of my shorts, grinning broadly. "I'm already starving."


	3. Happy Birthday PerfectlyPersuasive

**A/N:** This was written for PerfectlyPersuasive's b-day. It's a little "different." Big thanks to naelany who beta'd this! xo

* * *

The two girls sat at the beautifully decorated table, their hands smoothing over their party dresses, wiping away any trace of a wrinkle. One of them picked up the delicate, porcelain tea kettle and held it out towards the other.

"More tea?"

The one with the newly cut bangs and straight brown hair that was held back by a velvet ribbon blinked her eyes twice at the offer.

"Yes please," she replied, her perfectly painted lips forming the words carefully.

The girl with the head full of golden curls daintily poured the tea before setting the kettle back in its spot.

"Thank you."

"You're quite welcome, enjoy."

The two sat quietly, enjoying their tea as well as each other's company for a few moments. After placing her tea cup down gingerly, the girl with the ribbon in her hair turned to her left.

"Edward," she inquired. "More tea?"

"Yes," came a squeaky voice near her.

"Yes, what?" she asked, her voice becoming firmer.

"Yes, please."

The girl nodded as if this pleased her, and poured some tea into the cup in front of Edward. Then she turned to her other side.

"Jasper, would you like some tea as well?"

"Yes, please." The slightly deeper, yet still squeaky voice that replied made sure to emphasize the last word.

If he was actually able to, Jasper would have been looking at Edward smugly.

"It's lovely that our friends could join us for tea today," remarked the blonde girl as she wiped the corner of her mouth with a linen napkin.

"Yes, it is," agreed the other.

The boys remained silent.

Once tea was finished, they moved to a nearby couch. The boys were seated on the couch, while the girls sat on the floor in front of them. The girl with the curls brandished a large, wooden paddle brush and instructed her friend to sit down in front of her. She removed the velvet ribbon from her hair, allowing chocolatey brown waves to cascade down her back. Ever so slowly she brought the brush up to her friend's hair.

"One. Two. Three," she started counting in rhythm with her strokes.

"Mmm..." hummed the brunette. "That feels lovely, thank you. Would you like me to braid your hair for you next?"

"Yes, please" replied her friend. "Do you think Edward or Jasper would like their hair done?"

They regarded both Edward and Jasper, sitting on the couch.

"Perhaps," said the girl as her hair grew shinier with each brush stroke. "Edward's is quite messy."

"True," her friend agreed.

Twenty minutes and hundreds of brush strokes later the girls were done. The brunette stood up in front of the couch and placed Jasper's hand so it was resting on Edward's.

"There. Aren't you both happier? I know I am."

"Me too," her friend agreed. "Although maybe Edward could put his hand on Jasper's thigh."

Her friend giggled before guiding Edward's hand on Jasper's thigh. Hands and lips and body parts started to intermingle between the two boys on the couch as the girls' eyes grew wider by the moment.

"Oh my," exclaimed one of the girls. "They are naughty, naughty boys."

Her friend nodded her head furiously.

"Yes, they are. Do you think we should punish them?"

The girls looked at each other thoughtfully, as if processing what to do next.

"Perhaps," the blonde one said, looking sternly at the boys. "But we should have tea first."

"Excellent idea," her friend said.

The two girls sat down and began the process of pouring tea and doling out cookies once more. As they ate, they decided the fate of Edward and Jasper, who had been left to sit on the couch.

**OoOoOoOoO**

Two men in white coats looked through the one way glass into the room.

"They've been at this for almost twenty four hours you say?" one asked the other.

"Yes. At first they were just communicating with each other, but when we introduced the two male dolls into the room they immediately snatched them up and added them to their tea party. They've since had the dolls in some, um... rather interesting situations."

They both looked back into the room before jotting some notes down on their pads.

"I think I'm going to have to recommend long term care for the both of them."

The other doctor agreed, nodding his head. As he walked away from the locked room, he muttered, "Welcome to Sunnyvale Mental Hospital, girls."


	4. Re: Our Cyber Date

**A/N: **Oh hai! So the fabulous Brie (aka Coolbreeze) had a birthday and PerfectlyPersuasive and I decided to bring these guys out of hiding for some fun. So PP wants me to make it clear that we actually sat down and did this just like the guys were. Meaning...no script, no preplanning, we just dived in and um...role played? Yeah, that totally sounds weird. Let's just call it an exercise in creativity. And if it's not funny...blame PP ;)

Huge thanks to OfTheTurningAway for beta'ing this and to S. Meadows for the fabulous banner!**  


* * *

**

**EdwardCullenEsquire(at) to JasperWhitCock(at) ****3:47pm**

**Subject: Hello, Jasper**

Jasper,

Hey, did you make it alright? I know you were worried about the car trip with your parents and sister. Did you play traveling games? The License Plate game has always been a smash with my family for car trips. I can't believe you're going to be gone for a whole week. I know we have only been seeing each other for five months and fourteen days, but I don't think we've gone more than a few nights without seeing each other since the first night we met.

I've gotten used to you sleeping next to you. I think it will be hard to fall asleep tonight.

Well, my goodness, aren't I a sap this afternoon? I think I need to do something manly right now... what does it take to be a lumberjack?

...

Ok, well, I googled it. It looks hard, so I'll just have a beer tonight instead of wine. That's very manly.

I hope to hear from you soon, Jasper. I'll be thinking about you.

Edward Cullen  
Harvard Law '11

"**The Law is Reason Free from Passion." – Aristotle. **

* * *

**JasperWhitCock(at) to EdwardCullenEsquire(at) ** **6:25pm**

**Re: Hello Jasper**

Hey E -

Sorry it took me a bit to get back to you. We drove through West Bumblefuck and then South Bumblefuck, neither of which had cellular phone service, let alone a decent rest stop. We're finally here down in Texas, though, and thank heavens for wireless. We actually have a sweet set up. My folks rented a huge condo for the family and I even have my own room!

We're about to go get our BBQ on right now, so I need to wrap this up. But well...I had to let you know...I miss you already, so I guess I'm a sap too. But, I'm a fucking manly sap. And don't you forget it.

Tomorrow night my folks are taking Nana out to see some play, so I'll have the condo to myself. Maybe we can have an IM date? Not as good as the real deal, but you'll survive. )

9pm tomorrow work for you?

later,  
J

* * *

**EdwardCullenEsquire(at) to JasperWhitcock(at)** ** 8:33pm**

**Subject: Our Cyber Date**

J,

I can't wait until tomorrow to Instant Message with you! We will actually be using Google Chat right? I mean, that's what I downloaded that one time when we exchanged those um... images...

I still have the "safe" one you sent me as my home computer screen. The others were definitely not safe for any one's eyes but my own!

So, we're both saps. I guess that makes it okay. Also, I know you're manly. I'm quite familiar with your manhood, and I like it quite a bit.

Until tomorrow! I hope I dream of your face.

Good night,

Edward Cullen  
Harvard Law '11

"**The Law is Reason Free from Passion." – Aristotle. **

* * *

**9:02PM**

**Whit COCK:** Yo, E - you there, man?

**The Esquire:** I'm here!

How's Texas?

Hot?

**Whit COCK:** Hot

**The Esquire:** jinx!

**Whit COCK:** You read my mind :)

**The Esquire:** oh, well, that sounds a lot better than jinx

forget I said that

What are you doing right now?

**Whit COCK:** Nothing much

just got out of the shower

We went swimming in a nearby lake to cool off.

**The Esquire:** oh

um

are you...

naked?

**Whit COCK:** You wish

I just have a pair of boxers on.

**The Esquire:** boxers?

which pair?

the ones with the ice cream cones on them?

**Whit COCK:** Um, well I guess these are more like briefs. Boxer briefs?

haha, no

this time they're the black pair with the big bat symbol on the crotch.

**The Esquire:** Oh!

JasMan!

I'm singing the theme to myself right now

**Whit COCK:** Yes. although I left my cape back home **grins**

**The Esquire:** Saving the world, in his underpants!

You are one in a million

**Whit COCK:** I do what I can, darl.

**The Esquire:** The most humorous thing happened in class today

**Whit COCK:** What's that?

**The Esquire:** Do you remember Mike?

I told you about him

He's the one with that kind of lazy eye

**Whit COCK:** The jackass who wears too much cologne?

**The Esquire:** yes!

he's that too

I don't know if I told you he had a lazy eye

It's only when he's not wearing his glasses.

**Whit COCK:** I don't think you did. Poor fucker.

**The Esquire:** I call him Stinky Mike with the Lazy Eye

or SMLE

but only in my mind

**Whit COCK:** Edward! I'm shocked at you!

**The Esquire:** I, of course, don't say that out loud

I don't say it out loud, Jasper!

**Whit COCK:** such naughty thoughts.

**The Esquire:** I can be very forward with my thoughts

and in public

**Whit COCK:** Oh really?

**The Esquire:** of course

**Whit COCK:** So, what the hell happened with Stinky Mike?

**The Esquire:** Oh..

I forgot what I was talking about

Well, in Ethics in Family Law today, Professor Banner was talking about children testifying

**Whit COCK:** Distracted by thoughts of me in my Batman briefs? understandable.

**The Esquire:** I'm still thinking about that, Jasper.

I like to think your underwear are what brought us together.

They mean a lot to me

You've distracted me again!

Mike can wait for in person

I doubt I could get the tone right in a chat

you know how I am about that...

**Whit COCK:** Yeah, I'd rather not think about Mike

I'd rather think about anything else

for instance...

what underwear are **you** wearing?

**The Esquire:** Jasper!

Well, actually...

I've been shopping since you've been gone.

Give me one second...

**Whit COCK:** oh yeah?

Sent at 9:22 PM on Wednesday

**The Esquire:** I'm sorry

I was googling the store I went to

http:/funkyurban(DOT)net/shop/thumbnails/Brief-CH-web(DOT)jpg

I got these!

Something very different than normal for me, that's for sure.

**Whit COCK:** **bites lip**

Are you wearing them now?

**The Esquire:** I am.

I had to send them out to be cleaned first

But I got them back today

and they are on my body right now...

I love the way they hug my balls.

**Whit COCK:** How do they feel?

**The Esquire:** I answered above!

**Whit COCK:** I see...i see

I'm a little jealous

They're doing my job.

**The Esquire:** Jasper...

you're with your family

Don't you start something that will disappoint me

**Whit COCK:** I NEVER disappoint

**The Esquire:** I've been taking a lot of cold showers since you've been gone.

A LOT

**Whit COCK:** I've only been gone 2 days, darl.

**The Esquire:** I know.

It's sad.

I'm pathetic.

I've just gotten used to you and your voracious sexual appetite.

**Whit COCK:** Hey now...I'm not the only one with a big...

appetite ;)

**The Esquire:** I never had one before you, Jasper.

You overwhelm me in the best possible ways.

**Whit COCK:** Of course I do ;)

but...you do the same for me, Edward.

**The Esquire:** Can I be honest with you?

I'm grinning like a fool right now.

**Whit COCK:** Yeah?

**The Esquire:** I can't believe you can make me smile even through chatting like this.

Is your hair wet?

**Whit COCK:** Yup

**The Esquire:** oh god

**Whit COCK:** oh god...what?

**The Esquire:** I just love the smell of your hair when it's freshly washed and wet

and the way it curls around your face

I guess I've never mentioned that before...

**Whit COCK:** I like to hear it

What else do you like about me, Edward?

**The Esquire:** I like the way you say my name and the way you smile at me when we're talking

It's like I'm the only one you smile for

And I like the way you walk

**Whit COCK:** You're the only one who makes me want to smile that way

aw fuck. now you're making me act like a girl.

**The Esquire:** You're definitely not a girl, Jasper...

you know how I know?

**Whit COCK:** How?

***pouts***

**The Esquire:** Because...

**Whit COCK:** yes...?

**The Esquire:** I love the way you use your dick

That's another thing I like about you.

**Whit COCK:** Well...

my dick likes you.

Its liking the thought of you in those briefs very much right now

**The Esquire:** Is it now?

**Whit COCK:** Mmhmm...

**The Esquire:** I wish I was there

I would love to show thanks to that dick I like so much ;)

**Whit COCK:** whoa, Edward

i don't think I've ever heard you speak (um type?) like that before

do it again

i like it

**The Esquire:** I feel a little bit braver behind the computer screen

Although, I'm blushing right now

You just can't see.

So, um, nevermind.

I'm totally cool and not blushing.

Well, if I was there, Jasper, I'd show off my new briefs for you.

**Whit COCK:** You would, would you?

Why don't you strip down to them now, then...

**The Esquire:** Um. ok.

Let me move my laptop into the bedroom.

One sec.

**Whit COCK:** ok.

**The Esquire:** Alright

I'm in bed.

My lap top is on the thing that helps it breathe

and I'm only in my underwear.

**Whit COCK:** oh good...wouldn't want any important parts getting burned

**The Esquire:** That would be terrible!

I couldn't stand if my computer overheated

I have some documents I haven't backed up.

**Whit COCK:** um, yeah, documents

i was thinking of something more important

to me at least

**The Esquire:** What?

OH!

You mean my penis?

Is that what you're talking about?

**Whit COCK:** yes, Edward.

your penis

your dick

your cock

your johnson

your rod

feel free to stop me anytime

you know I can go on all night

**The Esquire:** wow

Do you actually know more?

That's impressive

But, I get what you're saying...

**Whit COCK:** yes, i know plenty more

**The Esquire:** I bet you do.

You know your way around mine, that's for sure

**Whit COCK:** Yeah?

You like how I handle your twig and berries?

**The Esquire:** Hahahaha.

Twig and berries!

Fabulous.

But, yes, to be serious, I really do.

**Whit COCK:** you've never heard that before?

***shakes head*** sometimes i think you're living under a rock, Edward.

**The Esquire:** I was homeschooled, Jasper!

We've talked about it.

**Whit COCK:** I know, but still...

**The Esquire:** I know.

That's another thing I like about you.

**Whit COCK:** What's that?

**The Esquire:** Your vast knowledge of all things pop culture, catchy phrases and fast comebacks.

**Whit COCK:** um, yeah. it's called being an average American Edward

but anyway...

**The Esquire:** You impress me and amaze me, and to answer your earlier question,

I love the way you handle my twig and berries

**Whit COCK:** lets get back to talking about the important stuff

you do?

what's your favorite part?

**The Esquire:** I like how you know just how to stroke me to make me lose my mind

**Whit COCK:** mmm...

**The Esquire:** and when I don't think I can handle anymore, you move to my "berries"

**Whit COCK:** haha I love your berries, E. They're delicious

if I was there I'd take them in my mouth right now

**The Esquire:** wio34

Um

sorry

that was an accident

You would?

**Whit COCK:** mmhmm

I'd roll my tongue around them, like you like, sucking each one in, tugging down slightly

**The Esquire:** Yes

I'd like that quite a bit.

**Whit COCK:** what else would you like?

**The Esquire:** I want you to suck me, Jasper

**Whit COCK:** omg Edward. say it again

you're so fucking hot when you talk like that

**The Esquire:** Suck my dick!

please

**Whit COCK:** I want to suck it

**The Esquire:** Jasper?

oh

nm

there you are

**Whit COCK:** just getting more comfortable

what about you?

touch yourself, E

**The Esquire:** I'm very comfortable... I, um, took my underwear off.

**Whit COCK:** touch yourself and i'll tell you just how i'd suck your cock

**The Esquire:** Oh my god

Okay.

**Whit COCK:** I'd run my tongue all the way from the base up to the tip

**The Esquire:** I wish I could run my fingers through your hair...

**Whit COCK:** My tongue would dip into the tip, just the way you like it. Then I'd plunge my hot, wet mouth

over you, only taking the head in

yes, grab my hair

you know i love that

**The Esquire:** Oh my god, Jasper

You drive me crazy!

**Whit COCK:** After teasing the head, I'd start to move my mouth up and down...

up and down

**The Esquire:** Your mouth is so hot!

**Whit COCK:** move your hand up and down your rockhard cock, E

do it

**The Esquire:** I am

I'm doing that.

It feels good.

**Whit COCK:** I'd use my hand to make up for what I can't fit in my mouth

Hollowing out my cheeks I'd suck you so hard

**The Esquire:** Like that.

**Whit COCK:** snaking my other hand down to tug your balls

**The Esquire:** Oh yes!12

**Whit COCK:** My mouth keep workings its way up and down your cock and my hand flicks at your nipple

and then...

**The Esquire:** Then...

**Whit COCK:** SHIT!

**The Esquire:** Then...

Then?

**Whit COCK:** Fuck fuck fuck

**The Esquire:** What?

What?

WHAT?

**Whit COCK:** Hold on

**The Esquire:** Jasper?

**Whit COCK:** Um...shit

i kind of have to go

**The Esquire:** Jasper!

**Whit COCK:** My, um...fuck. my family just got home

nana just opened the door

fuck my life.

**The Esquire:** OH MY GOD!

Did she see?

**Whit COCK:** she seems drunk and she called me Johnny

so my guess is that she won't remember this in the morning

**The Esquire:** Your twigs and berries?

**Whit COCK:** but my woody is totally deflated

**The Esquire:** I can't say that I'm happy about that.

**Whit COCK:** I think so. but she stumbled out of here before she could say anything

**The Esquire:** Your penis is for my eyes only

**Whit COCK:** I know, darl, I know.

**The Esquire:** Alright, Jasper. I guess I will just finish off myself.

**Whit COCK:** I...I just dont think I can get back into the mood after that.

**The Esquire:** I think my right hand has been feeling a little underappreciated.

**Whit COCK:** Stupid fucking alkie Nana

**The Esquire:** It's fine.

**Whit COCK:** aw. I wish I was there to kiss your cock goodnght

i mean, kiss you goodnight

**The Esquire:** I know what you mean

**Whit COCK:** Maybe we can try again...tomorrow?

**The Esquire:** Of course.

I'll be back from study group at 9.

**Whit COCK:** Thanks darl

that sounds good

**The Esquire:** Talk to you soon.

Maybe we could call each other?

and try that way?

**Whit COCK:** That sounds great.

And i'll make sure to lock the door this time

**The Esquire:** Sounds good.

**Whit COCK:** Good night, E.

**The Esquire:** Good night, Jasper.

Sleep tight.

* * *

**EdwardCullenEsquire(at) to JasperWhitCock(at) ** ** 10:54pm**

**Re: Our Cyber Date**

Jasper,

I just looked over our chat for some...inspiration, if you know what I mean. Why, though, am I listed as "The Esquire?" Do you know how that happened?

Just let me know.

Night.

Edward Cullen  
Harvard Law '11

"**The Law is Reason Free from Passion." – Aristotle.**


	5. Re: Your Package

**A/N: We wrote this one for Jude to celebrate his birthday which was... a couple of days ago. Yeah, we're a little late, but the sentiment is still there. Happy Belated Birthday, bb! This is a continuation of our Re: Last Night boys. I have Jasper and PerfectlyPersuasive has Edward, like always. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: We don't own these guys, we just make them gay.

* * *

  
**

**The Esquire:** um, J?

Are you there?

Jasper?

J-Dawg?

No, just kidding. That one is horrible.

**Whit COCK:** You did **not** just call me J-Dawg

**The Esquire: **I said I was kidding.

**Whit COCK:** and yes. I'm here. What's up?

**The Esquire:** I got some very interesting mail today.

**Whit COCK:** Oh really?

**The Esquire:** Oh yeah, I did.

It came in a nice brown box.

But boy was I surprised when I opened it...

in front of my mother!

**Whit COCK:** YOU OPENED IT IN FRONT OF YOUR MOTHER?

I mean, um... what was it?

**The Esquire:** It was in a brown box, Jasper!

How was I to know that it was a...

(sex toy)

**Whit COCK:**What kind of sex toy, Edward?

**The Esquire:** I think you know what kind, mister.

"O,h what was it?" la di da

You smell bad right now, Jasper...

kind of like bullsh**

**Whit COCK:** bullshit?

you can swear, Edward

Actually, I kind of like it when you do

Especially when it's like "Oh, Jasper, Fuck Yes!"

**The Esquire:** JASPER!

**Whit COCK:** And...anyway, how would I know what it is? ***grins***

**The Esquire:** Those kind of words are reserved for the boudoir.

Well, even though there was no return address, I happen to know your chicken scratch anywhere

**Whit COCK:** You did NOT just say boudoir, Edward. I'm just going to pretend you didn't say that. B/c otherwise, I'd have to go looking for my BOYfriend. Because you're acting like a girl.

and chicken scratch?

hmph.

**The Esquire:** Boudoir is French.

I'm sorry you only speak American

**Whit COCK:** sorry. you're acting like my _French_ girlfriend

better?

**The Esquire:** pft

Anywho, I opened in front of my mother.

I'm sure my face was beet red when I snapped the lid closed.

She would not give up, though...

"Eddiekins, what's in the box?"

**Whit COCK:** omg, I'm dying here

***snort*** Eddiekins

damn. i wish i could have been there

**The Esquire: ** God, Jasper what was I supposed to say to her?

**Whit COCK:** so did you show her?

**The Esquire:** "Oh, nothing, mother, just a dildo that my boyfriend sent me."

NO!

NO!

**Whit COCK:** haha

you said it

you said dildo!

**The Esquire: ** Heavens to betsy, NO!

Yes, I did.

**Whit COCK:** Who's Betsy?

**The Esquire: ** That's a saying Jasper.

I swear...

**Whit COCK:** Yes, Edward...swear. I thought we already covered how much I like that...

**The Esquire:** If they didn't say it on the simpsons, you never learned it.

**Whit COCK:** Whatever. The Simpsons are just a different form of social commentary. You know, just cartoonier than the shit you read

**The Esquire:** The shit I read Jasper... you mean the newspaper?

**Whit COCK:** Whatever, like I can't get my news from the Daily Show

**The Esquire:** John Stewart is quite funny. I agree.

**Whit COCK:** and hot

don't forget hot

I man, he's no Anderson Cooper

**The Esquire:** True. Silver Fox.

**Whit COCK: **What I wouldn't give...

anyway... you got yourself a dildo, eh? What are you planning on doing with it?

**The Esquire:** Well, well, well...

What should I do with it Jasper?

Should I play with it while you are out of town?

Or, do you want me to wait until you get home?

Maybe I'll like it so much, you won't even be needed anymore.

**Whit COCK:** What?

No!

I mean, yes!

I mean, No!

Yes you can use it when I'm gone.

And HELL YES we'll be using it together

but there's no replacing the real thing, baby.

Nothing's as good as the Whitcock. NOTHING.

**The Esquire: ** I do have fond memories of the Whitcock...

But, Jasper, how do you want me to use it?

On my back?

On all fours on the bed?

Should I ride it?

Maybe in the shower while the hot water rushes over my heated skin...

**Whit COCK:** omg, Edward. who are you?

keep going

**The Esquire: ** I'm still me... god, wouldn't it be awful if some perv hacked into my account...

**Whit COCK:** If this is how you react to a dildo, i'm going to send you toys more often!

**The Esquire: ** More toys?

I would like a warning next time!

but Jasper...

**Whit COCK:** Aw, where's the fun in that?

**The Esquire:** Do you want to know a secret?

**Whit COCK:** Always, Edward. tell me.

**The Esquire:** My mother was only here for lunch.

She went home hours ago.

Hours ago... when I got the mail...

What could I have been doing in that time?

hmm...

**Whit COCK:** What could you have been doing Edward? I'd sure love to know...I happen to be sitting here, all alone...

**The Esquire:** I was alone to Jasper. Alone this afternoon... with your gift you mailed me...

**Whit COCK:** And...what did you do, Edward?

**The Esquire:** Well, Jasper, what do I always do?

I follow directions. I just directed that dildo right to my...

**White COCK:** your what Edward? This really isn't the time to be shy...tell me!

**The Esquire:** Good Heavens!

Just a second. brb

**Whit COCK:** aw, where'd you go. Guess I'll just have to play with myself...

**The Esquire:** Back

Sorry.

It's just the dog...

And then the...

Oh god!

**Whit COCK:** what the hell happened?

**The Esquire:** Well, the dog it grabbed the... the thing... the thing you sent me...  
Oh god!  
Thurgood Marshall just had it in his mouth, _gnawing _on it!

**Whit COCK: **The dog. Had the dildo. In it's mouth?  
Are you fucking serious?  
That's just nasty.

**The Esquire:** I know it's nasty, Jasper!

Why did you think I am freaking out?

Oh, my goodness - Teeth marks!

**Whit COCK: ** Yeah, you need to keep that someplace safe, Edward. Why was it out?

***shudder*** I do NOT want to think about teeth marks on a cock. Even a fake, plastic one

**The Esquire: ** Frick!I know. Me neither

It was out because I used it.

I was trying to tease you.

Look where it got me.

I am not equipped to do things like that.

I should have just left it in the packaging.

I am a failure at seduction.

Thurgood Marshall and I should just stick to what we know, bones and law books.

**Whit COCK: ** Aw, Edward. You know bones too.

Well, at least, you know my bone

That's got to count for something, right?

**The Esquire:** I suppose.

I do miss your bone.

**Whit COCK: ** And, maybe we can use it together...you're not totally fail on seduction. I was sporting a semi stiffy until the dog got involved.

**The Esquire:** I especially miss your bone now since I can never touch that fake one again.

**Whit COCK:** No? even if you wash it?

I mean, I'm sure it's still okay...

**The Esquire: ** Teeth marks!

Dog teeth marks!

TM is judging me with his dog eyes right now.

He knows I've been a bad boy with that thing.

**Whit COCK:** haha, he's probably just jealous b/c you have a special bone.

**The Esquire:** I should just let him bury it under the house.

**Whit COCK: ** I want to see you be a bad boy with that thing.

I'm going to order you a new one

but have it delivered here. Away from that mangy mutt

**The Esquire: ** You always know the right thing to say.

Well, except, TM is not mangy.

I just picked him up from the groomer's today

**Whit COCK: ** I'm sure your pooch is lovely

I'm placing a new order now

Do you have a color preference?

Ohhh...here's something you attach to your shower head

That's...interesting

**The Esquire: ** What?

I can't even...

How?

**Whit COCK:** You'll find out soon. I just added it to my shopping cart.

Hm... This one glows in the dark...

**The Esquire:** I don't think I need that. I know perfectly well where it's going

even in the dark.

**Whit COCK:** And this one vibrates..."9 erotic settings"

**The Esquire:** Jasper, I'm not ready for that.

The plain one was just fine.

**Whit COCK: ** Ooh...what about a ring?

**The Esquire:** Maybe, get it to vibrate a bit, though?

**Whit COCK: ** ***hums*** if you like it then you should have put a ring one it

and you know i like it, Edward.

**The Esquire: ** That sounds like it's for you!

I thought this was about me, Jasper

**Whit COCK:** Well, we can both play with it...

**The Esquire:** That sounds good. Make sure to check priority shipping.

**Whit COCK:** Somebody's eager...

**The Esquire:** With you, always.


	6. Re: Study Date

**A/N:** We recently revisited our **Re: Last Night **boys for SorceressCirce's birthday. Happy Birthday Jen! To check out the rest of the fabulous birthday treats, head on over to bdaysorceresscirce(DOT)blogspot(DOT)com/

For this drabble arc, PP took on Edward while I attempted to whip Jasper into shape. Big thanks to **TuesdayMidnight** for betaing.

_Disclaimer: We don't own these characters, we just make them dig the boylovin!_

* * *

**Bitch, please!**

I closed down my computer with a chuckle. I could already see Edward scrambling around, gathering his books and straightening up his perfectly neat room in preparation for our "study session." Bitch, please...like we'd be doing any studying. I didn't even bother to bring my books with me as I headed to Edward's. When he suggested I come over so we could spend time together while studying, I didn't have to think twice. But if that boy thought he'd be reading even one page of his huge-ass lawyer book with _my_ ass in the room? Well...he had another thing coming.

**Zone**

Making sure that my apartment was in perfect order, I took a moment to myself, closing my eyes in preparation for my upcoming study session. I needed to be in the right frame of mind, my brain zone. This was a giant step for me, inviting Jasper to study. My education was very important to me, and if I wasn't in the top percentile of my class at Harvard, my life would be completely over. Jasper had a jovial attitude by nature, but I'm sure he'd see the seriousness of this situation. I didn't have any time for tomfoolery today.

**Flower**

Right before I knocked on Edward's door, I spotted some daisies growing in a container by his neighbor's door. I plucked a flower from the pot and held it between my teeth while rapping on the door. If Edward wasn't sure of my intentions before, he definitely would know now. As the door opened, I arched an eyebrow and gave him my best smoldering gaze.

Edward stood there, eyes wide, gaping at me. I tried to remain serious, but watching him get all flustered, I couldn't help myself. I broke out into laughter as the flower dropped to the ground.

**Slither**

With Jasper standing outside my door like some Tango-dancing Lothario , I didn't know how to react. The flower fell from his lips when he laughed, and I couldn't help but smile. Somehow, Jasper always made me smile, but if he thought he was going to slither in here like some sneaky snake, all flowers and gorgeous smiles, and ruin my studying, he had another thing coming! If I, Edward A. Cullen, future Esquire, was anything, it was determined , and I was utterly determined to get through at least twenty chapters. I purchased six highlighters just for today. I meant business.

**Snatch**

Bending over so Edward was able to take in the view of my perfect ass, I snatched the flower from the ground before straightening back up. Flower in hand, I stalked towards Edward with a smirk. His face paled as he backed up into the entryway, while I moved closer. Just as I was about to reach him, I took the flower and brushed it across his face, before tucking it behind his ear. Edward sputtered, but no actual words came out of his mouth.

"Are we going to do this study thing, or what?" I asked with a wink.

**Exaggerate**

My brows squirreled together with his question. Of course we were going to study. What else did he think we were going to do? "Did you bring your books?" I questioned, getting right down to the matter at hand as I closed the door behind him.

Jasper sauntered into my apartment. "Huh?" he commented, running his fingers along the back of the couch.

"BOOKS!" I exaggerated the word, shaking my head at him. He laughed and plopped onto the couch, smiling up at me. I pulled the highlighters out of my pocket, holding them out to him. "Yellow or green?"

**Puppy**

I grabbed the green highlighter from Edward's outstretched hand and began twirling in back and forth between my fingers.

"Oh, and no. I didn't bring any books," I finally replied.

Edward stared back at me, his face a mixture of confusion and sadness, almost as if he just watched me kick a puppy.

Not that I ever would, mind you. Puppies are pretty awesome.

I sat up straighter and patted the couch cushion next to me, urging him to sit.

"I don't need any books for what I want to study," I explained with a wink, hoping he'd catch on.

**Flagrant**

"Do you have notes or something then?" I asked, grabbing my Torts book out of my satchel on the table. "I always try to type my notes after class, bulleting them in order of importance."

He shook his head in response, and I was confused by his lackadaisical attitude and flagrant disregard for studying protocol. Who was he to not need study aids? What if Jasper was a genius with a photographic memory? I didn't know how I felt about dating someone with a higher IQ than mine.

"What's the square root of Pi?" I fired off rapidly, testing him.

**Exasperated**

I was quickly getting exasperated with Edward. The guy was a genius, but he was definitely not firing on all cylinders since he was missing my not so subtle attempt to do something besides study. I figured I could try and appeal to his geeky side.

Hey, whatever works, right?

"1.7321," I answered, watching his jaw drop at my response.

I had never been so happy to have seen _Harold and Kumar 2 _multiple times. If my random knowledge of lame math stuff didn't turn him on while he was in "study mode," I wasn't sure _what_ was going to work.

**Illuminate**

I literally collapsed onto the couch next to him, almost shocked at this recent turn of events. It was all starting to make sense. The light bulb was now illuminated and glowing bright above my head. Jasper had reasons for being casual about almost all aspects of his life. Everything came easy because he was highly intelligent.

"Did you pass the MENSA test?" I asked, nervous to hear his answer. I was ashamed to admit that I had failed. It was my darkest secret.

Jasper threw his arm around my shoulder and hugged me to him, shaking his head and chuckling.

**Luxury **

I ran my fingers along Edward's arm, keeping him as close to me as possible. I knew I didn't have the luxury of time. If I didn't pounce now, he'd have his nose in his books before I could get in his pants. With my arm tightly around him, I leaned in until my lips ghosted his ear.

"I don't know about MENSA, but I certainly passed a different sort of "mens" test," I whispered, my voice deep as I tried not to laugh.

Without giving Edward a chance to reply, my tongue flicked out, tasting the ridge of his ear.

**Spice**

My body trembled at the small touch of Jasper's tongue to my ear. I was surrounded by Jasper, engulfed in his smell-sweet and spice. It was delicious and overpowering. He pulled my face to his and leaned in, teasing my lips before kissing me hard. Someone moaned. It could have been me. I wasn't sure. He moved closer.

The loud sound of my twenty-five pound Torts book crashing to the floor startled me, breaking the power of Jasper's lips. I quickly scooted to the other end of the couch, catching my breath. What a sneaky devil, distracting me like that.

**Rust**

I rolled my eyes at Edward's haste in getting away from me. Poor guy actually thought he was going to get some studying done. I watched in amusement as he took his frustration out on his hair, tugging his rust-colored locks and messing them up even more.

However, I knew that he'd be of no use to me if he was all tense and jittery from not studying. Those damn textbooks were like a drug for him. So I left him alone, allowing him to crack open his book.

That didn't mean I was going to make it easy on him.

**Ice**

My book falling to the floor was almost like a cup of ice being dumped down the back of my shirt. It broke my mind out of the cloudy haze of that kiss. Jasper's lips were amazing like always, but I needed to study. We couldn't all be geniuses. I opened my book and settled in with my highlighter and yellow notepad, marking in the book and taking notes. About twenty pages later, Jasper sighed, and I peeked at him from the corner of my eye, almost dropping my highlighter at the sight. Where in the world was his shirt?

**Timid **

Almost half an hour had gone by and Edward didn't even bother to glance once in my direction. Fuck that noise, it was time to ramp things up a notch. This wasn't the time to be timid or shy. Instead, it was a balls to the walls situation, and if I had my way, that's exactly what we'd be doing in five minutes.

After peeling off my shirt, I began rubbing my hand up and down my chest, before letting it slide lower to my stomach. I tossed out a loud moan just in case Edward hadn't noticed me yet.

**Death**

His hands were all over his chest, and I didn't know what to do. I was beginning to think that inviting Jasper over to study was a mistake. He was surely going to be the death of my GPA if we continued on like this. My eyes were locked to his naked torso, though, Torts book forgotten for the moment.

Not long later, I reached my breaking point. "Do you have a rash or something?" I asked, the question coming out harsher and louder than I intended. He smirked. "Just quit rubbing yourself!" I yelled which only made him laugh.

**Red**

I looked down at my torso, which was now indeed a light shade of red from all the rubbing. I glanced past my stomach, down towards my tented pants and cupped my junk before staring Edward straight in the eyes.

"I don't think I have a rash, but it looks like I do have some swelling. It could be something really bad. Care to check it out?"

I could tell by the look in his eyes that Edward was about to falter...he was so close to his breaking point. In fact, he had dropped his text book without even noticing.

**Evanesce**

As the marks on his skin begin to evanesce, my eyes were glued to Jasper's hand palming his crotch. It was almost to the point where I was just going to have give up on studying. I suppose I could take my hydration break a bit earlier than normal and that we could do something besides hydrating as well. I imagined with the vulgar way Jasper was moving his tongue around that we might instead end up dehydrated in the near future. Torts were fascinating, but Jasper was enthralling. Not to mention, his hand was now all over my crotch.

**Resolve**

When my hand slid up and stroked his cock, I watched as the resolve in his eyes started to crumble. "I see something here that I need to spend some extra time studying," I said, squeezing his now hard dick for extra emphasis.

At the mention of studying, I could see Edward's eyes drop to his damn textbook, so I quickly kicked it under the couch away from his view.

"Now where were we?" I asked before dragging my teeth across his smooth neck. I could feel Edward shiver beneath my touch as I latched onto his skin and sucked.

**Lost**

There was a flash of remembrance, but it was gone when Jasper's mouth moved to my neck. At this point, it was safe to say that my brain zone had yielded into my sex zone. I doubt I'd remember my own name, let alone seventy pages of Torts.

Holy Moly, with Jasper now kissing down my chest, I didn't know if I could name the Justices ..._Roberts, Alito, Breyer, Ginsburg, Kagan, Kennedy, Scalia, Sotomayor, Thomas..._Phew, I hadn't completely lost my mind yet.

Putting my hands on Jasper's face, I pulled him toward me. "You win," I said with a kiss.


	7. Harry Potter & The Sorcerer's Bone

**A/N:** This o/s was written for RMHale's bday! Happy Birthday, Robyn! To read more of her b-day stories, visit Robyn's b-day blog: http:/rmhalebday(dot)blogspot(dot)com!

I pulled every cliche out of the book for the Twi parts, and PerfectlyPersuasive took on the task of not murdering the Harry Potter parts.

O_O what? Yes. That means that parts of this o/s have Harry Potter. I know. If you know me, you know I'd rather bleach my eyeballs than read HP fic, but yet, here I am, sort of writing it. So, trust me...it's worth it.

Big thanks to Tuesdaymidnight for her beta eye and HP knowledge.

_Disclaimer: We don't own any of these characters...they belong to two other (older) ladies. _

**

* * *

**

Harry shuffled through the door of 12 Grimmauld place from a long day of an in-house workshop, so weak from spell work that he could barely keep his fingers around his wand to Apparate home. He knew that the life of an Auror was not easy, but he never expected to be so exhausted after a simple day of mandatory training.

With a loud sigh, he collapsed onto one of the sofas in the drawing room, barely opening his tired eyes when Kreacher appeared before him with a loud crack.

"Is there anything Master Harry is needing?" he asked with almost no sign of disgust.

Harry opened one eye to look at his house elf. "A sandwich and some Firewhiskey would be lovely, Kreacher."

With simply a nod, Kreacher disappeared to gather what Harry requested. Harry smiled, but even that exhausted him further. He let his arms and legs go completely lax, melting into the sofa. He was never happier than the moment when Grimmauld Place had been completely redecorated after the war. The furniture was soft and plush, adorned in soothing colors of gold, cream and green. Now, if he could only get Mrs. Black out of the foyer, it would be the perfect home.

A moment later, Kreacher was back, placing the small plate of tiny sandwiches on the table before Harry. He had tried many times to get Kreacher to make him a real sandwich, one with lots of meats and cheeses, but Harry had finally given it up as a lost cause. Apparently, generations of Blacks only deemed the daintiest of sandwiches appropriate for Purebloods to eat. No wonder Sirius had revolted against his family, Harry thought with a small smile for his Godfather, he had gone mental from lack of protein.

Harry thanked Kreacher and asked him where his laptop was, earning an immediate scowl from the House Elf. "Kreacher knows not where Master's Muggle machine has gone," he told Harry. The Gryffindor bit back a smile. It's not like Kreacher would have brought it to him anyway. The day he re-wired and cast the spells so a few Muggle appliances like the television and his laptop would work Harry was left with a very disgruntled and unhappy house elf for months.

"Is Master wanting anything else?" Kreacher asked.

Harry shook his head. "No, thank you, Kreacher," he responded, waiting until the House Elf disappeared with a crack before _Accio'ing_ his laptop, thankfully remembering the spell to slow it down as well before it smacked into him a rapid speed. He grimaced, absentmindedly rubbing the spot where his last computer had crashed into his head.

Opening his computer, he checked the news and weather, comparing the Muggle information to what was happening in the wizarding world. It was a shame that most wizards didn't realize how both realms ran in an almost parallel line. If one was off kilter, the other was bound to be as well. After checking that all was right in the world, he opened a new browser to check his favorite movie site.

Harry's one major Muggle addiction was going to the movies, and as of late he had gotten into a new series about vampires and werewolves that was completely absurd. None of the vampires Harry knew actually sparkled in the sunlight. It was a laughable thought, that, but he liked them none the less. He just didn't share that with anyone. Not that they would know what he was talking about anyway.

Today, like most days, Harry clicked from link to link, making his way to new sites and pages, quickly going from one thing to the next until he found some kind of fansite dedicated to the male actors of the movies. His eyes kept being drawn to one link in particular, apparently a story of some kind written by a person with a very ridiculous name.

_Sex Is a Dish Best Served Steaming Hot_ by RobynLovesParkaPeen it was called.

There was no way Harry could NOT click the link.

His eyes scanned over the first few paragraphs, widening with surprise at what he found...

**~RobynLovesParkaPeen~**

_While men and women in too-tight clothes gyrated near him, Edward did his best to keep to himself, tucked away in a dark corner of the bar, nursing his second beer of the night. He still wasn't sure why he had agreed to join Alice for her weekly club hopping, but it probably had something to do with attempting to shut the little pixie up before she badgered him to death._

_"Aren't you having the most amazing time ever?" Alice asked, acting like somebody spiked her cocktail with a combination of Pop Rocks and sugar. _

_"Wonderful," grunted Edward, without a hint of sincerity._

_"Oh, pull the stick out of your ass, you big grump," teased Alice much to Edward's chagrin. "This place is awesome. We need to get you out on the dance floor!" _

_For somebody who didn't even reach five feet, Alice had the strength of two lions, and managed to wrangle Edward out onto the dance floor. Standing around awkwardly while Alice shimmied and shook near him, Edward found his focus moving quickly around the dimly lit room. _

_His eyes passed over girls in sheer dresses and five inch heels. They swept over throngs of people dancing together, sweat darkening their shirts. They kept moving all over the bar until something caught his gaze._

_Perhaps it was the shimmer of light that snagged his attention. The tall, blond man that Edward was staring at seemed to be sparkling, as if a thousand diamonds were scattered across his pale skin. _

_Upon closer inspection, Edward realized that the incandescent illumination of the man's skin was actually caused by an overhead disco ball which cast out rays of shimmering light. _

_Edward took his time soaking in the man across the room. He had never found himself so powerfully drawn to another person before...female or male. In fact, this was probably the first time Edward had ever found himself checking out a guy before._

_Despite the haze caused by the manufactured smoke being pumped in from the DJ booth, Edward could distinctly see the man's face. He noticed the smattering of a five o'clock shadow against a chiseled jaw. He noticed a pair of plump, utterly kissable, ruby red lips. Finally, Edward's own jade green eyes settled on a pair of soulful orbs, as deep and blue as the Pacific ocean. Edward could almost feel the heat of the man's eyes hit him in his chest, and surprisingly further down below as well. _

_When Edward realized he had been caught staring, he immediately averted his gaze as the heat of his embarrassment colored his cheeks. Hoping to fade into the crowd and avoid any further humiliation, Edward swayed his hips slightly from side to side to the beat of the music._

_As he attempted to dance, his mind started racing over what had just happened. Edward had never found himself attracted to a man before. Not that he would classify himself as a ladies man either. In fact, despite a few failed blind dates that ended in awkward fumbling, the majority of action he had seen had been at his own hand. _

_Edward didn't quite know what to make of this latest revelation. Why had he reacted so strongly to this man? Edward wasn't sure how to handle these new feelings and instead chose to ignore them as he continued to dance._

_The song changed to a more subdued one, and he wondered if he could sneak away undetected by Alice. Before he was even able to do so, he felt a pair of firm, strong arms slip around his waist as a warm breath tickled across the nape of his neck._

_"Well, hello there darlin'. I'm glad I finally found you." _

**~RobynLovesParkaPeen~**

Harry slammed his computer shut, his breath heavy. "Merlin," he whispered to himself, quickly conjuring a fan to cool him off. How did he not know like stories like this existed? The two men from the series were together? Bella be damned! He wanted to know more, but he didn't think it was a good idea to continue. He should just forget about it and pretend like he had never read it.

He had other things to do this evening. More important things.

Like, degnoming the garden. He nodded and clapped his hands. Yes, he should degnome the garden.

Twenty minutes later, Harry wandered back into the house after successfully uprooting one pesky creature and booting it into the neighbor's garden. He swept the back of his gloved hand across his forehead as though he was exhausted from it all, his eyes immediately falling on his laptop. He wondered what happened next? Was the blond man the Jasper character from the movies or maybe Carlisle? There were a few choices. It would drive him mental to not know. Harry didn't like stones being left unturned.

Well, except for the bloody Resurrection Stone. It should most definitely be left unturned.

Before he even realized what was happening, he was sitting on the couch with the computer open on his lap. Just a few more minutes, Harry thought to himself. He would only read until he knew who was talking to Edward...

**~RobynLovesParkaPeen~**

_Edward craned his neck in hopes of seeing the face attached to the honeyed voice that whispered in his ear. Something inside of him clenched tightly in hopes that the voice belonged to his mystery man, while another part of him filled with nerves at the mere thought. _

_However, as soon as Edward glimpsed a golden halo of hair that surrounded the most angelic face he had ever seen, it was as if his nerves flew right out the door. _

_His mystery man was even more gorgeous up close. _

_"I...uh..." Edward stumbled, his brain unable to form a complete sentence as his mystery man tightened his grip._

_"I'm Jasper, darl, and it's more than my pleasure to meet you."_

**~RobynLovesParkaPeen~**

Harry looked away from the computer, imagining the pairing of Jasper and Edward. The actors that played those characters were quite fit, so it wasn't like it was a hardship upon his mind. In fact, thinking of the brunette and blond was quite stimulating. They made a lovely couple, Harry thought. The books should have been written about them in the first place! He would almost be less embarrassed to be such a closet fan of it then.

No, he would more than likely be just as embarrassed. No one really understood the appeal of Muggle movies, well save Hermione, but she was much too serious for such silly things. Circe! Edward and Jasper, though, Harry thought again, a smile covering his face.

"Is Master be waiting on dinner?"

The voice of his house elf brought him out of his own thoughts and he quickly made the site get smaller and go to the bar across the screen. He thought Hermione had called it minimizing one time, but he wasn't sure.

Merlin, he hadn't even heard Kreacher come into the room! How had this story distracted him so much? Harry wondered if it had a spell on it. Maybe a compulsion charm, and that is why he was drawn to it as he was? Well, except, it was a website, and he highly doubted you could put charms on the internet.

Harry shook his head. "No. I mean, yes! Yes, I'm waiting," he fumbled through his words. "Thank you, Kreacher."

The elf eyeballed him wearily for a moment before nodding his asent and popping out of the room.

Immediately, without any mental debate at all, Harry brought the page back up...

**~RobynLovesParkaPeen~**

_Jasper's words sent a shiver up Edward's spine, and he found himself placing his own hands over the blond man's arms, drawing them closer._  
_  
The music changed again, and somehow the two men began slowly dancing. Any last bit of apprehension and doubt slipped from Edward's mind as he felt Jasper grind up against him, merging their two overly heated bodies._

_"Are you here with anyone?" Jasper asked, ending his question with a nibble to Edward's earlobe._

_"N-n-no..." stuttered Edward, forgetting all about Alice. "Are...are you?"_

_"Nope," Jasper replied, popping his "p."_

**~RobynLovesParkaPeen~**

Harry mouthed the word "nope," feeling his teeth scrape across his bottom lip as he also popped the "p" and continued to read...

**~RobynLovesParkaPeen~**

_Relief flooded Edward and he threw his head back, giving Jasper the perfect opportunity to cover the exposed skin with heated kisses. _

_"Then let's get out of here," Jasper said after one last kiss. _

_Edward gulped, knowing exactly what Jasper was insinuating, and wanting every part of it. If he was honest with himself, he had been hard as a rock since he had first seen Jasper, and the almost painful throbbing in his pants reminded him as much. Jasper was just as affected by Edward, no matter how cool he played it. He found himself pressing the evidence of his attraction up against Edward's ass. Both men moaned at the contact._

_"Yes," Edward hissed in response to Jasper's previous request, and to whatever else Jasper had in store for them._

_Without even bothering to grab his jacket, Edward followed behind Jasper, tethered to him by his hand. Jasper wove through the crowd like an expert and soon had the two of them in a cab and headed to his apartment. Once safely inside, Edward's nerves flared up again at the thought of actually being with another man. Jasper noticed Edward's hesitancy, and did his best not to attack the green-eyed, messy-haired man who was now standing in his apartment. _

_Jasper led the way to his couch before heading to the kitchen and grabbing a few beers. Edward fiddled with a nearby pillow, taking deep breaths and attempting to calm himself down. Just as he finished giving himself a mental pep talk, Jasper returned from the kitchen, beers in hand. As Jasper handed one to Edward, their fingers touched, igniting an electric spark between the two of them. _

_The bottles of beer were quickly forgotten as heated lips found each other. Jasper straddled Edward's lap as his lips hungrily assaulted the ones in front of him. Edward parted his lips willingly, allowing Jasper's tongue to invade and conquer his mouth. _

_"Darl," Jasper whispered into Edward's ear. "You feel so good...too good. I need you so badly!"_

_Edward's only response was a heated growl as he pulled Jasper's lips back to his own, hungrily consuming the other man. As their kisses grew more passionate, their hands explored further and soon pieces of clothing were tossed off, leaving both men in only their underwear. _

_Edward looked up as Jasper started to peel off his impossibly tight black boxer briefs. Jasper seemed to enjoy having Edward's eyes on his body and gave him a little show. Jasper licked his lips, moistening them thoroughly before rubbing a hand up and down his chest and stomach, stopping just above his hip bone. Edward's own hands moved as well, and he let out a moan as he cupped his straining erection._

**~RobynLovesParkaPeen~**

"Merlin," Harry moaned, his eyes wide and his trousers tight.

"What in the world are you doing on that... thing?" Draco drawled, startling his boyfriend.

Harry jumped in his seat, the computer almost falling out of his lap from the surprise. He looked up at Draco with guilty eyes.

"No...nothing," he mumbled.

Draco arched one perfectly manicured eyebrow and crossed his arms over his chest. "You're lying," he stated simply in such a way that Harry knew he must have learned it from Severus Snape.

"Just Muggle things..." he trailed off, his eyes looking everywhere but Draco.

"What sort of Muggle things, Harry?" Draco's voice took a tone of false innocent. Harry knew though that nothing about his boyfriend was innocent, the bloody Slytherin.

"You know just things with Muggles and about Muggles. Erm... all sorts of Muggleish things... You wouldn't be interested," Harry said, ending his ramble with an awkward shrug.

"I believe that I would be completely enthralled with whatever has made you so nervous," Draco replied, a hint of a smirk on his face.

"You really wouldn't," Harry insisted.

"_Accio_ Harry's cuntpumer," Draco said at the same time.

Nothing happened.

Harry furrowed his brow. "Draco, did you just say cunt-pumer?" he questioned.

The blond let out a bored sigh. "Isn't that what the bloody thing is called?" he barked.

"It's a com-puter," Harry enunciated.

"Circe," Draco cursed to himself. "Fine. _Accio_ Harry's _com-puter... and wand_!"

Harry reached for his computer, but quickly released it to try and protect his wand. Much to Harry's chagrin, both flew effortlessly into Draco's lap. His boyfriend then cast a quick Leg Locking jinx to keep Harry on the couch.

Draco started to read aloud where Harry had left off.

_"'Allow me,' offered Jasper, before he dropped to his knees and pulled out Edward impressive manhood. Jasper gave Edward's cock a few slow strokes, marveling at how hard and soft it was all at the same time...like velvet coated steel," _Draco read. He stopped and looked up at Harry.

"Is this what you do on this thing?" he implored as a moment of quizical shock covered his face before being replaced with the standard stoic Malfoy look of boredom.

"No, erm, not normally," Harry said with a nervous chuckle. "It's just something I came across.

"You just came across - '_P-p-please,' begged Edward, needing more form Jasper than his teasing strokes?'" _Draco questioned him in disbelief.

"No. I mean yes. Merlin, Draco, just close the bloody thing and let me out of this jinx," Harry insisted.

"No," Draco replied petulantly.

"Draco!" Harry said in equal parts whine and warning.

The blond shushed his boyfriend. "It's rude to interrupt someone when they're reading," he reprimanded before continuing to read aloud.

**~RobynLovesParkaPeen~**

_It didn't take much for Jasper to comply and Edward quickly found out what it was like to feel Jasper's tongue run up and down his hardened length. When Jasper's mouth reach the tip, he flicked his tongue out, licking at the bead of fluid across Edward's weeping slit. _

_"You taste like candy, darl," he said as he licked his lips, causing Edward to blush. Before Edward even had a chance to reply, Jasper ducked his head back down to finish what he started._

_Edward's eyes rolled backwards before closing completely. All he could do was feel Jasper's silken lips surrounding him. Jasper's wet, hot mouth latched on like a vacuum as he sucked Edward off. Only two more skillful licks later, and Edward was crying out, spilling his seed into Jasper's waiting mouth._

_"Fuck yes, Jasper!" hissed Edward. "Taste the rainbow!" _

**~RobynLovesParkaPeen~**

"You have to be kidding me," Draco laughed. "Taste the rainbow? Is that really the kind of things Muggles say?"

"I wouldn't know," Harry replied softly and licked his lips, thinking that he would truly enjoy making Draco taste his rainbow right now.

Draco snorted, though, if accused of doing such a thing, he would deny it thoroughly. "Muggles are daft, aren't they?" Draco chuckled. "Anyone knows that rainbows taste absolutely disgusting. Only those revolting gnomes enjoy the taste. I mean, why else do they think gnomes are always so excited to find the end of one?"

"It's a Muggle belief that there is a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow and it's protected by Leperchauns," Harry told him.

"Leper-whats?" Draco asked with a laugh. "Merlin, the things Muggles come up with," he sighed. "Absolutely ridiculous."

Harry tried to shift to ease some of the pressure on his cock encased in his tight trousers, but it was a fruitless effort at best since his legs were still locked together.

"Why are you wiggling about over there?" Draco asked. His eyes widened in surprise when they landed on the lump in Harry's pants. "Well, someone is definitely enjoying themselves," he murmured. "I suppose I should let you hear the rest, no?" he said with a wink before continuing to read.

**~RobynLovesParkaPeen~**

_After wiping his mouth with his hand, Jasper looked up at Edward through hooded lashes and a wicked smirk._

_"That was..." Edward struggled with finding the right words._

_"I know, darl. I know," Jasper reassured him before straightening up._

_"Where are you going?" Edward asked, suddenly feeling self conscious, as his now limp dick flopped against his upper thigh like a wet noodle._

_"Don't you worry where I'm goin' darl. Just relax. I'll be right back."_

_Edward pulled a nearby afghan over his legs and felt a little more relaxed. He grabbed for one of the beers that they had forgotten about, and downed it in three quick gulps. Before he could contemplate sneaking a few sips from Jasper's beer, he heard footsteps behind him. Jasper appeared in the door frame, completely stripped of all his clothes._

_In one hand he held a small bottle of lube and a condom, while the fingers of his other hand were busy mimicking the motions of a scissor. Edward didn't quite know what to make of that, but the predatory look one Jasper's face had him guessing he was about to find out..._

**~RobynLovesParkaPeen~**

"Draco!" Harry shouted, interrupting the blond. "Merlin, Draco, please," he babbled.

"What is it, Harry, _darl_?" he drawled, a smirk played across his face.

Harry's breath was fast. "Please... I need you. Please," he begged.

"No need to beg," he replied, quickly lightening and levitating his boyfriend before floating him to the bedroom where he was going to prove to Harry again and again that wizards always do it better.


	8. Re: Boxed Wine & Blueberry Pie

**This ficlette was written for the incredibly awesome ICMezzo in celebration of her birthday! **

**It's unbeta'd and as always, we own nothing!**

**_RE: Boxed Wine & Blueberry Pie_**

(This ficlette reads in alternating order with me writing for Jasper & PerfectlyPersuasive writing for Edward)

* * *

"Hurry up, E. Will ya? What are you doing in there anyway?," I ask, wondering what the hell is taking him so long. I mean, I know he likes to wash his hands for at least three consecutive minutes, but he's been in the bathroom for almost half an hour.

"Who are you trying to impress anyway? I already told you, my family will love you!" Or...they'll be too drunk to even notice he's there. Either way, it's win-win. I can hear Edward grumble something from behind the door, but I can't quite make it out.

"What did you say?"

**Re:Re:Re:Re:**

"Just a second!" I yell out, louder this time so Jasper can hear me through the door. My bathroom is rather soundproof which is nice. I would hate for people to hear me using the restroom. Jasper says something else about the time, and I'm on the verge of going out there and giving him the business! I'm meeting his family! This day is important to our future.

If only I could get my hair to lay flat.

Fighting the urge to mousse again, I exit the bathroom. "Well, don't just stare at me, Jasper. Let's go. We're behind schedule!"

******Re:Re:Re:Re:**

Edward mutters under his breath as he walks past me, tugging on his hair. Laughing, I grab my jacket off the chair, and give his ass a quick squeeze before jingling my keys.

"Let's roll!"

We walk outside and I hop on my bike, revving the engine loudly. Edward is yelling about something, but I rev the engine again and shoot him an apologetic look, even though I'm not sorry. He pouts his lips and it takes everything I have not to hop off and lick them. Instead, I toss him a helmet and shout for him to hop on.

******Re:Re:Re:Re:**

"You can't be serious!" I shout, cupping my hands around my mouth in hope that he'll hear me over the ridiculous roar of his bike. I catch the helmet he throws at me and groan when he pats the seat behind him with a beatific smile. He is a master manipulator. How can I say no to him when he looks so handsome sitting astride his black motorcycle?

The ride is over before I even have the nerve to open my eyes, and I jump off, slapping him on the back. "Now I have to worry about helmet hair as well!"

******Re:Re:Re:Re:**

What Edward calls "helmet hair," I call "just been fucked hair," and I sigh wishing that had actually been the case.

"Come on," I say as I tug him towards the door. "The family's waiting."

Despite my bravado, I can cop to some nerves. I've never, and I mean never, brought a boyfriend home before. But I know that my family will love Edward just as much as I do. It won't hurt that they're probably already onto their third or fourth drink with how late we are. I don't bother knocking as I let us in the front door.

******Re:Re:Re:Re:**

With a deep breath, I follow Jasper inside his parent's home. All noise stops when we enter the dining room.

Someone drops their fork and it makes a ridiculously loud noise when it hits the plate. His brother's mouth falls open with a gasp.

An older woman gulps down the rest of her martini, raises her eyebrow and then pops an olive in her mouth. Jasper smiles at her and then grabs my hand, pulling me closer.

I plaster a smile on my face. First impressions are key.

"Well, boy, who the hell are you?" she asks after swallowing an olive.

******Re:Re:Re:Re:**

Before Edward is able to form an answer, I slide my hand down the back of his pants, copping a feel of his firm ass, right over his Fruit Of The Looms. Instead of words, his mouth opens and a loud squeak leaves his lips. His cheeks flush that delicious scarlet red, so I give one more squeeze before releasing him and answering instead.

"Nana, this is Edward."

I shove Edward forward just a little bit.

"Edward, this is my Nana. Now go make nice."

I give Nana a quick kiss before grabbing two plates and heading towards the food.

******Re:Re:Re:Re:**

"Um, hello," I mumble out, glaring at Jasper's back. I hold my hand out to her. "Edward Cullen, ma'am," I introduce myself. She looks at my hand and then back up at my face.

"Are you friends with Jasper?" she asks.

I chuckle, uncomfortable. "Um, we're friends, but more," I stumble over my words.

"You should see your face!" she exclaims with a laugh. "I'm only kidding. I know you two are fucking." I can feel the blood rush to my cheeks.

"Mother!" Jasper's father admonishes her from the head of the table.

She shrugs. "Jasper, dear, fix Nana another drink."

******Re:Re:Re:Re:**

I put my plate down and grab the gin, but Nana stops me.

"I'm bored with my martinis. Go pour me a glass of wine, and none of the cheap stuff!" she growls, staring pointedly at my mother.

I start walking towards the kitchen and feel Edward hot on my trail, but when he hears his name called from the table he stops, exhaling a shaky breath.

"Oh Edward dear," coos Nana. "You let Jasper deal with the wine. Come here and sit next to me so we can have a visit, and I can properly meet my grandson's _friend_."

******Re:Re:Re:Re:**

"Oh, um, of course," I reply, sitting in the chair beside her. "It's nice to meet all of you," I greet the family, wishing I_ had _been properly introduced. Jasper basically just threw me to the wolves, the pack leader being his boozed up Nana, of course.

The gin is strong on her breath as she leans in to whisper, "So, tell me, Edward, who goes where?"

I try to scoot away without appearing rude, but she has a surprisingly strong hold on my chair. "Pardon?"

"In the bedroom!" she clarifies.

Jasper thrusts the glass in front of her, sparing me.

******Re:Re:Re:Re:**

I can hear my mother curse under her breath, while my father tries to remind Nana that we have a guest and that she should behave. By the sparkle in her eye, I think Nana knows perfectly well that we have a guest and she's loving every second of it.

I'm about to help Edward out, when my stomach suddenly grumbles. Instead, I help myself to a huge slice of blueberry pie while I watch Edward squirm as Nana tosses out terms like "pitcher," catcher," and "twinkie."

"It's just 'twink,'" mutters Edward as his face falls forward into his hands.

******Re:Re:Re:Re:**

Jasper laughs so hard he chokes on the pie he's eating, spitting blueberries onto the white tablecloth.

"Damn it!" his mother yells. "Jerry get some club soda!" she directs at Jasper's father. While they scramble to clean up Jasper's spittle, I grab the wine Jasper poured for himself and down it.

"There you go," Nana encourages me. "See, you'll fit in just fine," she says, patting my knee.

I look over to Jasper for help or an excuse to leave, but he just winks before taking another bite of pie. He lets out an obscene moans and licks the fork.

******Re:Re:Re:Re:**

"More wine?" I hear Edward ask Nana and she nods excitedly.

Having anticipated this, I pass Edward the box of wine which he just stares at, his brow all furrowed.

"_This_is the good stuff?" he whispers and I shrug.

After he tops off both Nana's glass and his own, I go back to eating my pie, with even more gusto then before. I mean, the pie is good, don't get me wrong. But I'm currently eating it like it's the last cock on earth, which is totally driving Edward crazy. I take another forkful, slowly bringing it up to my lips.

******Re:Re:Re:Re:**

I go ahead and pour myself another glass of the boxed wine because I have the feeling I'm going to need it. With Jasper giving fellatio to his fork and his drunk Nana patting my thigh, I don't know how I'll make it through this night without some liquid encouragement. I watch his parents feed each other and his younger brother play his Nintendo system at the table. With a family like this, no wonder Jasper acts out like he does.

Next time, when he screams, "Awesome, Vin Diesel!" at the movies, I'll try to be a bit more understanding.

******Re:Re:Re:Re:**

After his fourth glass of boxed wine, I can tell it's time to get Edward home. When he leans over to me, his breath reeking of Pinot Grigio, and tells me that I'm the cutest blueberry he's ever known and he wouldn't mind picking me for his special pie, I stand up and help him get his coat on.

Nana, who's pouring herself another glass laughs.

"You're welcome," she says with a snort.

"For what?" I ask.

"You're so going to score tonight."

Looking over at Edward who is batting his eyes at me, I have a feeling she's right.

******Re:Re:Re:Re:**

Oh, sweet, Jasper and his strong arms and happy smile. I love him. He's the best thing EVER!

"I like you better than Constitutional Law," I hiccup into his ear. He laughs. I like that sound. "Goochie-goochie-goo!" I say while trying to tickle him. He grabs my hands and pulls my arms tight around him, mumbling something about falling off.

"If I fall off this blasted bike, I will sue your ass!" I scream before bursting into another round of laughter. "You're out of order! This whole motorcycle is out of order!"

Boxed wine is fantastic!

Goodness, I'm so sleepy.

******Re:Re:Re:Re:**

I haul him into the house, my arm slung tightly around his wasted ass. He whispers something about me being hotter than Scalia. He sure as hell better not be talking about his new study partner.

We make it to the couch and when he asks for water I head into the kitchen to grab some, plucking the whipped cream from the fridge. Edward tends to get a little frisky when he's drunk, and I'm making the most of it. When I make my way back to the living room, I'm met with soft snores and a passed out Edward.


	9. Re: The Chess Tournament

We write this ficlette in honor of theladyingrey's birthday because we dig her chili. :D

We neither own a beta or anything else related to this silliness.

As always, PP writes for Edward & I write for Jasper...enjoy our boys in Re: The Chess Tournament...

* * *

I bristle in my seat. "Are you seriously assuming that at a chess tournament you wouldn't distract someone with this getup you're wearing?" I ask him with a terse shake of my head. "Knights are going to be taken left and right because the players won't be able to keep their eyes on their board!"

"I'll _take_ your knight left and right... and up and down," he muses suggestively with a wink, and despite my frustration with him, my cheeks blush.

"You're impossible. I won't allow you to make a mockery of the sport with your nipples. I simply refuse."

**Re:Re:Re:Re:**

"You don't need to worry about that, E," I tell him. "I solemnly swear that I will not make a mockery of a chess tournament...which I refuse to ever call a 'sport' by the way."

I hear him huff as I pull onto the highway going South.

"Um, Jasper, you're going the wrong way. The Holiday Inn Express where the tournament is held is in the other direction. Um, Jasper...Jasper!"

"I know a shortcut," I say, wondering if he'll buy it.

I bite my lip to prevent a laugh as he whips out his compass and a map, muttering to himself.

**Re:Re:Re:Re:**

The compass app on my cellphone has really come into handy more than once, and I imagine Jasper regrets laughing so hard at me when I bought it. I watch us still head in the wrong direction, and I quickly examine street names on a small map I have of the city.

This is no shortcut!

Finally we pull up and find a spot in a crowded parking lot. Boys stream past us, dressed in barely there, tight clothes.

"What are we doing here, Jasper?" I ask, crossing my arms over my chest. "Why are we at The Fisherman's Buff?"

**Re:Re:Re:Re:**

"I thought we could do some pre-gaming here. You know, before the big tournament begins later," I explain with little conviction.

I'm not even sure why I'm bothering to pretend that we're not here to get all hot and sweaty by dancing way too close. Edward's mouth drops open and the funniest noise comes out of it as he tries to form some words.

"You...club...boys...but...no...chess!" he spits out.

Before he's able to complete an actual sentence, I grab his hand and pull him up towards the front of the line, giving the bouncer, Peter, a wink as he lets us right in.

**Re:Re:Re:Re:**

Jasper doesn't drop my hand until we reach the edge of a crowded dance floor. I can't deny that I like what is happening before my eyes. I'd be a liar if I said hot, semi-naked boys grinding on each other didn't interest me, but-and there is a big one-I wanted to go to the chess tournament! I tell Jasper as much.

"I couldn't get tickets," he admits with a sheepish smile. He grabs me by my hips and pulls me closer before spinning me to where my back is pressed against his chest. "Check," he whispers into my ear.

**Re:Re:Re:Re:**

I can feel Edward shiver all down his back. My hips swivel as my hands rub up and down his chest, stopping near his neck to finger his bow-tie.

"You look so sexy," I growl in his ear, relishing the way Edward's ass bucks into me in response.

We continue to dance and I can't help noticing the way some nearby guys are eying him. My lips make their way down from his ear onto his neck where I kiss and suck, marking him as mine.

"Like my own personal Bobby Fisher," I purr, loving how he moans at my words.

**Re:Re:Re:Re:**

I press against Jasper as he continues to whisper sweet nothings into my ear. Feeling the beat of the music, I drop to the floor before slowly coming back up. Jasper makes a noise of surprise followed by a deep groan. I'm kind of surprised myself. I hope that looked as good in actuality as it did in my head. None the less, I lean back, my head resting on his shoulder, so I can tell him, "Check!"

If we aren't going to see the local legends compete, then I'm going to have my own game here, no holds barred.

**Re:Re:Re:Re:**

If it's a game my boy wants, it's a game he'll get. I pry Edward's arms off of me, taking a step back. The surprise is evident in his face, but I just wink, moving slowly and deliberately. My hands trail down my shirt, and I rub them over my stomach and close to the waistband of my pants for good measure. I can tell Edward's mouth has gone dry by the way his tongue frantically seeks to bring moisture to his lips.

But it's not enough.

I grab the hem of my shirt and slowly start to peel it off.

**Re:Re:Re:Re:**

I watch, shocked as Jasper takes his shirt off. I mean, it's not like he was wearing much of a shirt in the first place, but still, that's a bold move. He lifts one brow in challenge. "Check," he says, acting as though he just took my Queen.

I'll show him.

With a flick of my wrist, I pull my bow-tie loose, unbuttoning my top button. I push my sleeves up and untuck my shirt. I'm acting crazy! I go over to Jasper and tuck my bow-tie into his pants.

"I'm going to get a _cock_tail."

I walk away.

_Check._

**Re:Re:Re:Re:**

At the rate we're going, I'm fairly certain that I'll be getting some later tonight. A few drinks will most likely seal the deal, and I smile as I watch Edward start to walk back with two bottles of beer. His hair's a sweaty mess, his cheeks are flushed red, and his shirt is all askew. He looks fucking hot.

I lick my lips in anticipation, wondering what his next move will be, when I feel a pair of clammy hands slither their way up my torso.

"What the fuck?" I growl, twisting my head to see what's going on.

**Re:Re:Re:Re:**

A guy starts basically having sex with Jasper on the dance floor before I have the chance to make it back. Judging by the look on Jasper's face, I doubt the guy is welcome. He's definitely not welcome in my book. He needs to get away from my man.

"Hand off!" I yell, prying his hands off of Jasper's body before pulling my boyfriend to me. His body is flush against mine. I move the beers from the crook of my elbow to my hands, pressing them against Jasper's bare back.

He screams like a girl.

"Check mate!" I laugh.


	10. Re: The Beach

The ever so awesome Naelany had a birthday and we wrote this just for her!

As always we don't own anything related to this...not even a beta!

Please join our boys (With me writing for Jasper & PP writing for Edward) in...**Re: The Beach**

**(for some picspiration for this piece, check out http:/unitedmonkee(DOT)files(DOT)wordpress(DOT)com/2010/01/800px-oceanside_beach_on_fire_island(DOT)jpg**

* * *

I grab Jasper's hand and pull him toward a not as crowded section of the beach. I knew that Fire Island was "gaytopia," as Jasper kept enthusiastically referring, but I guess I wasn't prepared for the sheer mass of men. Not to mention, the minuscule shorts most of them seem to be wearing. I am hip with the fashions of today. My shorts are a bit above my knee, but I definitely didn't pack a Speedo.

I glance back to Jasper, smiling as he unbuttons his khaki shorts.

Oh. My. God.

Jasper's swimming shorts are tiny, orange and showcasing all of _him_.

* * *

When I bend over to spread out our towels, I make a point to linger a little longer than necessary, and wiggle my ass. I know these hot-pants look amazing on me. Hell, I tried on twenty different suits until I found the perfect one. And this is it. I'm certain of it when I crane my neck to see Edward with a puddle of drool at his feet.

I peel my t-shirt off and grab some sunscreen. Walking over to Edward, I hand it to him before turning around and flexing my shoulders.

"Can you spread it on me, please?"

* * *

Jasper's smirk is all but consuming his face. He looks like the cat that ate the canary. Obviously, he knows he looks hot in his swimsuit. If I could concentrate on anything besides his bottom and the feel of his back underneath my hands, I would say something... something smart... just something.

Oh, who am I kidding?

"You look unbelievably good in that bathing suit, Jasper," is what I end up whispering in his ear.

He laughs. "I know."

I shake my head, but don't say anything, just tell him to turn so I can rub lotion on his chest.

* * *

Edward's fingers skim past my nipples, which harden at his touch. My head falls back, giving him the chance to run his teeth against my neck. I moan, apparently too loud, since it causes nearby sunbathers to loudly hoot and holler, egging us on. Edward immediately hops back, his cheeks red and his lips form the perfect "o" shape.

His hand drops the sunscreen and he covers his face.

"They're still staring," he whispers.

I close the gap between us, pulling his hands away from his face.

"Then let's give them something to see," I growl before my lips find his.

* * *

Jasper practically assaults my mouth with the way he's kissing me. I kiss him back with hopefully as much enthusiasm until a loud whistle catches my ears. I push him away while still holding him close and bury my face in his neck. He wraps his arms around me, and his body shakes with his laughter.

"It's not funny!" I growl against his skin.

"Dude, no worries!" he placates me, rubbing his hand up and down my back. "I think we're a hit!"

I scoff, and finally release him. Jasper smiles at me. "Let's do something non-sexual then," he suggests.

* * *

I can tell I've piqued Edward's curiosity. I dig through the backpack and pull out some shovels and buckets I had snagged earlier from the motel.

"Sand Sculpture competition!" I call out.

I grew up watching these sand competitions. They always showed them on PBS and Nana would drag me into the TV room to watch them with her. These guys wouldn't just build sand castles, they went all out, balls to the walls awesome. I always wanted to make my own.

I toss a shovel and bucket Edward's way and claim my spot before getting on my knees to start digging.

* * *

I look down at the plastic "tools" in my hands. Is Jasper serious? I block the bright sun from my eyes and watch him start gather the sand into a big mound.

Well, when in Rome...

I start to build my castle, wishing I at least had a ruler or protractor or something to help me with my task. None the less, I run down to the water to fill my bucket. Unlike Jasper, who's going full force on the sand, I know you need some water to build with sand. You don't do anything unless you can do it well!

* * *

I watch as Edward starts to get his sand overly wet and smirk. Doesn't he know that the best way to get packed sand is to dig deep until you get the good stuff. I sneak a glance and laugh at his bewildered expression. He starts dumping mushy sand into his buckets and muttering under his breath.

I turn back and focus on the pile of sand in front of me. As I work on carving and smoothing the sand, I realize that a handful of people have gathered. I decide to up my game and play to the crowd.

* * *

I hear a whoop from around us, and I look over to see that a crowd has formed behind Jasper. The men all stare as he slowly bends over to dig in the sand. He even shakes his ass! The nerve of that guy. What is he building anyway? I brush the sand off on my shorts and walk over to his sculpture.

What the... he can't have...

"Jasper!" I yell.

He turns around to grin at me. "You like?" he asks. "I call it _Edward in Sand_."

"That's supposed to be my-" I can't say it.

"Yep. Your dick."


End file.
